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Subject: Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND ...bill
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Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2004 13:38:53 GMT
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rhonda Cook wrote:
> yup, these ought to do it. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
>
> Bill wrote:
>
>> :-D
>>
>>
>> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>> 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>> 45 mins.
>> What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
>> Sexual Harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
>> The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
>>
>> How can you tell if your husband is dead?
>> The sex is the same, but you get the remote control.
>>
>> What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
>> Humpme Dumpme.
>>
>> How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
>> None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
>>
>> What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a
>> sharp knife.
>>
>> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
>> good-looking?
>>
>> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>>
>> What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.
>> How do men sort their laundry?
>> Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable." What's the difference between
>> a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to
>> see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of
>> marrying?
>> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
>> of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden
>> retriever. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
>> The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still
>> carry a dozen donuts.
>>
>> Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman
>> who ate the last donut. What is the difference between a
>> battery and a man?
>> A battery has a positive side.
>>
>> A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the
>> biggest breasts?
>> The blonde, because she's 18.
>>
>> Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it
>> off, you wonder where the breasts went.
>> Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
>> Two mothers-in-law. How many men does it take to open a
>> beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings
>> it. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of
>> those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
>> stand closer to the kitchen sink. If your dog is barking at the
>> back door and your wife is yelling at
>> the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll
>> shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist
>> Pig?
>> A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right, I
>> just didn't know her first name was Always.
>> I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
>> I don't like to interrupt her. What do you call a man who has
>> lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.
>>
>> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
>> drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake. Marriage is a
>> 3-ring circus:
>> Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffering Our last fight
>> was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
>> I said, "Dust!"
>>
>> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
>> created Man and rested.
>> Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
>> rested. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on
>> Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
>> She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
>> Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
>> man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
>> Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
>
>
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