yup, these ought to do it. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bill wrote:
> :-D
>
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 45 lbs.
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
> 45 mins.
> What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
> Sexual Harassment.
> What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
> How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but
> the dishes pile up.
>
> How can you tell if your husband is dead?
> The sex is the same, but you get the remote control.
>
> What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
> Humpme Dumpme.
>
> How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
> None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp
> knife.
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
> good-looking?
>
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.
> How do men sort their laundry?
> Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year,
> the dog is still excited to see you.
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
> of driving.
> What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
> Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
> The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still
> carry a dozen donuts.
>
> Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who
> ate the last donut.
> What is the difference between a battery and a man?
> A battery has a positive side.
>
> A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the
> biggest breasts?
> The blonde, because she's 18.
>
> Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off,
> you wonder where the breasts went.
> Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
> Two mothers-in-law.
> How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be
> opened by the time she brings it.
> Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those
> "evolutionary things" that allows them to
> stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
> the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut
> up once you let him in.
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman that won't do what she's told.
> I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
> I don't like to interrupt her.
> What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence?
> Divorced.
>
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
> drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.
> Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
> Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffering
> Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
> I said, "Dust!"
>
> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
> created Man and rested.
> Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
> rested.
> A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on
> Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
> She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
> Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
> man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
> Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
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