Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: "purple people eater" <thisalsosucks@yahoo.ca>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.brady-bunch
Subject: Re: Death of an obese Homosexual
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 2003 12:45:05 -0400
Organization: Mountain Cablevision
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Some real facts instead of concocted falacies would give you some
credibility, so in view of this, I must state that you are an asshole.
Nobody says you have to like the guy, but what's the point in bashing a dead
guy.
<Gymdandy@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:19364-3F622AE4-58@storefull-2356.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> John Ritter like Robert Reed apparently was perverted....
>
> It was announced today that John Ritter died suddenly today. At first it
> was assumed; due to his obesity and the fact his mouth was stuffed with
> Twinkies, that he had, in fact, died of a heart attack. Later it was
> determined to be AIDS related.
>
> John Ritter made a name for himself by firing Suzanne Sommers off of his
> popular TV Series. "I'm the one with talent" (and a fat ass and beer gut
> apparently) he was quoted at the time.
>
> When the series was first conceived Ms Sommers insisted that her
> character's father be a minister to reflect her own Christian values.
> When the series failed to get approved by a good network (AKA NBC or
> CBS) John took this one joke show to last place ABC. When ABC liked the
> series but said they didn't approve of two women and one man John said
> "The hell with it, let's just steal an idea outright from the BBC and
> make him gay." Unfortunately John stole the entire concept. When Ms
> Sommers said "Why don't we do something original instead of stealing,
> after all it is wrong to show perverted people on TV", the feud between
> the actors began.
>
> Playing Jack was easy for the zoftig actor as, being a closeted
> homosexual was a natural, and he surrounded himself with other
> homosexuals like Don Knotts, Norman Fell and Joyce "I've done nothing
> since the series ended as I'm typecasted, despite the fact the two
> characters that people remember Jack and Chrissie, are played by people
> who HAVE done other things successfully, it isn't my fault." DeWitt.
>
> Sommers was replaced by infomercial queen Jennie Lee Harrison, who after
> refusing the advancing of an aging DeWitt, was in turn replaced by
> Pricilla Barnes. The flat chested Pricilla was introduced to keep DeWitt
> from causing ABC to pay any more hush money, to keep DeWitt's sexual
> harassment down to a minimum. "Why doesn't that girl have tits?" said
> DeWitt. "John has 'em".
>
> After the colossal failure of this follow up series, "Three's a crowd"
> He had notable failure in Hooperman and another series with lipstick
> lesbian "markie post." Both failed as the now excessive heavyweight was
> playing opposite attractive people and it was no long believable that
> they would find him attractive. Or even straight. The failure's were
> infact due to Ritter's insistance the other characters on his show say
> he was attractive. Ms Post was quoted at the time as saying "John is a
> FAT ASS. Gay people like buff guys. John is not worth watching. He is
> too sissified. We have him let's convert one of those staright hunks
> from Dynasty."
>
> After starring in Problem Child he was paroled (after sexually fondling
> the child of the movie's name) and met future wife, the stunningly
> beautiful and intelligent Amy Yasbek. He proposed, not marriage but a
> plan to hide his sick perversion behind a wedding. The breathtaking
> Yasbeck replied "As long as you don't touch me."
>
> Amy knew, due to John's homosexuality he would be dead soon, and she
> would stand to get his money and insurance. She said he wanted to have
> kids with me but I said "I have no immunity to AIDS. It simply isn't
> possible my svelt, hauntingly beautiful self could EVER be attracted to
> a man with 4 chins and a 7 stomachs."
>
> After his death today Ms Yasbek was quoted as saying "of course the kids
> aren't crying. Why should they be? They aren't his." She further
> continued with an irritated look "Frankly, you people suprise me. My
> children are slim and atttractive. Do you see a moon face on them? A
> watermellon ass? A protuding gut? Of course not. How could you think
> these beautiful children could be in anyway related to that fat cow. And
> cow is correct. Not bull"
>
> John Ritter's death came swiftly after chasting his wife (obviously
> upset that she was good looking and he wasn't) for only bringing him a
> case of Twinkies and not having them deep fried, the morbidly obese
> actor waddled over to the flash fryer and fried up some Snickers.
> Dressed only in a speedo, his mounds of heaping flesh cascaded over the
> small undergarment causing many to projectile vomit. Ironically if these
> people had been in the room it may have saved him, as at the time of the
> AIDS related problem he would have had someone looking at him and
> knowing he was wrong.
>
> He said "Help me, help me..." The crew assumed his lard ass wanted more
> candy bars to fry. Last time they came near him when he was eating an
> aide lost her finger.
>
> Quotes:
>
> Joyce DeWitt was unconsoleable."Well why shouldn't I cry. A Three's
> Company Reunion was the only chance I'll ever have of getting back on
> TV."
>
> Ms Sommers was quoted as saying "He didn't have me FRIED, he had me
> FIRED. Of course with his enourmous ass the mistake isn't your fault."
>
> Ms Barnes..."I tell you I was TOO on the show." I AM an actress.
>
> Don Knotts..."Who cares, if my Emmy winning ass didn't step in to save
> him after he fired Suzanne the show would've died right there. [ed
> note--Mr Knotts hositlity has been attributed to Ritter's refusal to
> service him sexually. "He said my penis has wrinkles. You would think a
> fat ass like him woud jump at the chance to do a showbiz legend."}
>
> Ms Yasbek was quoted "I guess we sould bury him? Does anyone have a
> piano crate?" When asked about her pleasent mood she replied "At least
> now I can date someone WITHOUT bitch tits."
>
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