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NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:44:28 -0500
Reply-To: "JT" <spamhole@buggeroff.com>
From: "JT" <spamhole@buggeroff.com>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.brady-bunch
Subject: Get a FREAKIN' LIFE Alice!
Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2006 18:36:05 -0700
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Even when the Brady's go to the Grand Canyon Alice is on duty. She's
scrubbing pots in the river under the merciless Arizona sun.
POTS ? !?!?!
I guess wieners and pork n' beans are no good when camping with the Bradys.
Not when Alice can make braised veal shanks "Osso Buco" in a full set of
POTS.
You just know if Cindy unzipped her tent on a whim at three o' clock in the
morning
and petulantly demanded eggs Florentine and Belgian waffles , Alice would
snap to a groggy attention.
What's the alternative? Getting beaten like a rented mule by Mike? Getting
thrown out on the street with no 401K? The Bradys were ballers, boy.
In the episode in which Alice wins the soap contest, she asks to borrow the
car to go downtown and claim her prize. This reveals she doesn't have a car
AND, once behind the wheel, she laments "Oh...I forgot...I don't know how to
drive."
...good lord Alice...
Then, when the family go to King's Island amusement park Alice is required
to wear civilian clothes that evoke her utter servitude to her totalitarian
overlords. An institutional green shirt (sans apron...thank God) which is
not QUITE her full uniform is the only fashion transgression allowed.
All this on top of sleeping in the broom closet.
When will someone blow the whistle on this despotic white slavery? Sam? God
no. He can barely tolerate her for the bi-annual bootie call much less. draw
fire from Mike and Carol.
I swear, she doesn't have a friend in the world.
JT
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