Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
Lines: 70
X-Admin: news@aol.com
From: saggiediaperz@aol.com (Saggiediaperz)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.brady-bunch
Date: 08 Aug 2004 23:00:17 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Subject: Brady Bunch Sitcom - There Was No Better 70's Television
Message-ID: <20040808190017.03945.00000973@mb-m17.aol.com>
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.tv.brady-bunch:1138
I was just wondering if you all knew that I heard from the BM Lady today! Here
is what she said....
Dear Saggy Diapers,
Hey my friend in bowel movements! It was so good to hear from you via a friend
of a friend of a friend who knew how to get a hold of me. We had no idea you
needed to know which Brady Bunch child was the first to have a BM after getting
home from school. As you know, I've been over here in the Middle-East working
to restore bowel movements to this war torn region. Word traveled quickly.
All of the world's security advisors and officials including the President
agreed there was no greater threat to the nation's security than not knowing
which Brady child had their bowel movement first after coming home from school
in a sitcom over 30 years ago. I was put on special assignment to answer this.
They needed a BM expert to answer this. Remember, I'm not just a BM Expert -
I am THEE BM Expert! Here to help and serve my country both at home and
abroad.
We're not allowed to comment too much on what's going on here, but let me just
say whoever said "War is Hell" isn't kidding. At first, the people loved us.
They made BM's in the street for us, and all appeared to be going smoothly.
Well, as you know Saggy, it's many months later, and there is much unrest.
Every day I work to undo the damage Liddy England did. But there is hope.
Every so often, a child comes up to me and says "Thank You BM Lady - Thank
you!" and it all means so much.
Please shout out loud for me as loud as you can "I AM PROUD OF MY BM!" "I AM
PROUD TO MAKE BM'S AS BIG AS I WANT ANYWHERE I WANT TO IN AMERICA!" Go ahead
and shout this as loud as you can. Shout it out your windows! Shout it in
your office! Shout it from the rooftop! Show me that you believe in BM's!
Now - here is your answer. You wanted to know which child made their bowel
movement after coming from school. Saggy, you predicted it was Jan - and this
was a good guess. However, only the BM Expert would be able to figure out who
it really was - and while Jan would be a good bet for the lay person, the BM
Expert has concluded otherwise.
First of all, ANY child potentially could be the first to squat on the pot
after returning home from school. No child had an exclusive on this process.
So, one day it could be Jan (and often times she was the first to poo), and
another day it could be Peter. Also, remember the children were let out of
school at different times, so it's not so much who was the first, but who
generally made a stinky within minutes of arriving home.
If you look at Jan's waddle, it was clear the more she waddled, the less BM she
had stored up. If her colon was full, she waddled less, as it would weigh her
down. Generally, Jan waddled less after coming home from school, indicating
she had a BM during school - probably during 5th period.
So, which child was it. Well, only the BM Expert could figure this out. The
child most often to have a BM right after returning home was Cindy. Something
I could only figure out from watching hours of footage, and making countless
interviews and performing detailed of hours of analysis. It was obvious to me
after thinking about it. Think about it yourself - Cindy had a lisp. Mike and
Carol were so obsessed with correcting Cindy's speech and working on the
impediment they completely forgot to teach Cindy how to wipe. Therefore, she
was completely incapable of making a bowel movement away from home. This
became a significant problem when she went off to college. Her bowels had to
be surgically enlarged to hold everything until she would come home at
quarterly and semester breaks.
So now you know!
I miss you all so much, and love everyone for realizing how important BM's are
to all of us. God bless my loves!
Love you all much!
The BM Lady
|
|