"Star Bright" <angie_n_nick@bghost.nekket> wrote:
>
>klaatu <klaatu@alt-teens.org> wrote in message
>news:u2bag050icrmhkc9gdg4eujn474nll4vvq@4ax.com...
>>
>> >> >Star Bright:
>> >> >I haven't had the internet, been engaged, been poor..
>> >> >got a phone today, got the internet..
>> >> >thought I'd say hi.. so uhh.. HI!!!!!
>>
>> >> klaatu:
>> >> greetings, shining one -
>> >> glad to see you posting again.
>> >> what news?
>>
>> >Star Bright:
>> >Uhhh... supposed to be getting married in October..
>> >still thinking if it's a path I really want to go down.
>>
>> klaatu:
>> all sorts of "pros" and "cons";
>> when i'd been with gf six years,
>> every female i knew wanted me to marry 'em.
>>
>> gf was the only one i'd think of doing it with,
>> and when i asked her, she said no.
>>
>> asked why;
>> she said she had to KNOW that when i came home
>> it was because i wanted to,
>> and not because she could rip me off in court.
>>
>> makes sense to me.
>>
>> >Star Bright:
>> >I love him, but I don't want to go through a divorce
>> >(or maybe i don't trust him) could be both.
>> >
>> >Have trust issues with all men though.
>>
>> klaatu:
>> the "trust" thing confuses me -
>> at least, in the way most folk use the term,
>> as if it were something one could DECIDE to do;
>> for me, "trust" is a condition which happens on it's own
>> as a product of experience.
>>
>> example:
>> i "trust" a guy who picked me up hitch-hiking,
>> because i was so tired i fell asleep in his car
>> and woke up in a motel-room safe, warm and dry.
>>
>> i know i can trust him
>> because he could've done anything to me,
>> and when he had complete power over me
>> he chose to do me good rather than harm.
>>
>> still, that "trust" was not a voluntary thing;
>> trust came accidentally.
>>
>> likewise, i trust gf about as far as i trust gravity,
>> or the laws of thermodynamics,
>> but i didn't learn it by taking un-necessary risks;
>> it happened over time.
>>
>> recently hear many people equate "trust"
>> to deliberately putting themselves in others' power
>> for no apparent reason other than to show off.
>>
>> to me, that's not Trust.
>> it might be Faith - if one believes it -
>> or Hope, if one's not sure -
>> but for me, trust is a product of experience alone.
>>
>> so, taking un-necessary risk
>> sounds suspiciously to me
>> as if people oft do it for form's sake,
>> because they think proper conduct requires
>> that they demonstrate a confidence not truly felt,
>> hoping this leap of faith causes real trust to grow.
>>
>> who knows, maybe it can -
>> but being a practicing paranoid myself
>> i tend to think it may just as easily defeat it's intent.
>>
>> problem is, analyzing real human beings on such points
>> i find no certainty of anything at all.
>>
>> attended the 75th wedding anniversary
>> of a couple who bantered and played together like kids;
>> they were a light and a gladness to all around them;
>>
>> all they did showed they were lovers and best-friends,
>> and people pointed to them
>> when they wanted to show what marriage is supposed to be.
>>
>> however,
>> they were married at fifteen by parental arrangement,
>> and detested each other;
>> holding hands, laughing at the memory, they nodded together:
>> "oh ja, those first twenty years were terrible"....
>>
>> so, after much study of the subject,
>> still no answers, just mixed feelings.
>>
>> anyway, lotsa luck with it,
>> whatever you decide.
>>
>> >Star Bright:
>> >Maybe I'll get over that, or turn lesbian...
>> >more than likely the latter *heh*
>>
>> <chuckle>
>> okay, but why trust women more than men?
>>
>> you bring up another thing
>> that's always been a riddle to me:
>>
>> one of gf's gay women friends said we had it lucky
>> that affection joined us in conventional gender-pair;
>> "think how much harder life would be
>> if the love of your life had been born same sex as you...."
>>
>> that tweaked my head a bit
>> because thinking it over i realized
>> that if we'd both been born the same gender
>> i'd have gone for her anyway.
>>
>> hence the riddle:
>> why is there such a thing as a "straight" female?
>> i know damn well that if i'd been born a girl
>> i'd still take a running jump at gf;
>>
>> we've been together a while
>> and i can still spend a whole afternoon
>> going over her topography like a friggin' map-maker,
>> enthusing over all those neat li'l curves and hollows.
>>
>> can't see that it'd be much different if i were female;
>> at least half the physical attraction involved in this
>> has nothing to do with questing for orgasms,
>> and the emotional attachment is a whole 'nother thing.
>>
>> on the other side, i know a lotta gay women,
>> and i know for a fact they can be just as much of a drag
>> as any guy - just as possessive,
>> just as macho, just as my-way-or-no-way stubborn,
>> so again it's back to Square One;
>>
>> turning lesbian may not give one much more advantage;
>> the trust thing still appears to depend
>> on whether the one you trust turns out worthy of it.
>>
>> so far it looks like the only sure way to find out
>> is to live a long life together
>> and calculate the score at the end of the game,
>> and even then it only works for the individuals concerned.
>>
>> t' hell with it - i don' know notting, i jus' work here.
>> health and happiness to you lot.
>
>You lost me somewhere along the line there, but it's pretty easy to lose me.
>I would never actually "turn lesbian" but I also believe that if Nick were
>a woman I'd still love him. He lies to me to keep himself out of trouble,
>but it doesn't work, I catch him and we have a big fight. I'm not that hard
>to get along with, tell me the truth and I can forgive it(unless it's
>infidelity). Sneakin' around smokin' pot when he's telling me he's not...
>only has one kid, failed to mention one on the way... Went to spend the day
>with his kid... spent the day with her instead. Fat ugly nasty skanky one
>too. I'm not just sayin' that. Anyone with at least one good eye could say
>it too. His past choices bug me... the lies he told when we got together, I
>can't seem to get over, but I can't imagine my life without him. *le sigh*
>Too much to sort out to marry him right now. Maybe after counselling, or
>after I realize his past is his past, but I've always believed the past of
>someone reflects on what they do in the future.
>ehhh... what the hell am I talking about? I finally find someone I want to
>keep around longer than a few weeks and I do nothing but bitch about him to
>people.
>Maybe I'm just sick....
>
>--Star Bright--
>
Just remember - you can't do any better.
--
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`-.-' K I N G O F T H E M O N S T E R S
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