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Message-ID: <3F052C48.B19EE4B8@blueyonder.co.uk>
From: Paul Heslop <paul.heslop@blueyonder.co.uk>
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Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
Subject: Re: Need group's opinion on very short story I wrote
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Date: Fri, 04 Jul 2003 07:27:07 GMT
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Troy wrote:
>
> Bobby woke up--sweaty, hungry, sore and wondering where he was. He looked up
> and saw the expressive eyes of the guy who played Cody on 'Step By Step'
> staring down into his. As Bobby opened his lips to speak, the guy who played
> Cody placed his finger upon them as if to gently silence him. The guy who
> played Cody then tenderly stroked his cheek and ran his long fingers through
> Bobby's hair. Bobby cooed and purred with pleasure, lolling his head about in
> response to the guy who played Cody's expert touch. He closed his eyes and
> imagined it was the guy inside the Alf-suit who played Alf that was caressing
> him and he involuntarily blurted out "Oh, the guy inside the Alf-suit, you're
> my Daddy. Dial 1-800-Call-ATT on my nether regions with your powerful digits,
> baby". The guy who played Cody was crushed; am I not attractive enough for
> Bobby that he has to fantasize about the guy inside the Alf suit, he thought?
> And why did the author feel the need to erroneously hyphenate 'Alf-suit' early
> in this paragraph? And why has the author not started another paragraph? Why
> has he trapped me in this paragraph with excessive and unrelated information?
> Basic grammatical standards call for the establishment of a new paragraph when
> a different character's point of view is being represented. Can you hear me
> asshole author?! Start a new fucking paragraph! The guy who played Cody on
> 'Step By Step' continued his raving as Bobby, oblivious to the one paragraph
> characteristic of his story, thought lovingly about the guy inside the Alf-suit
> and drifted off to sleep in rapturous delight.
It's quite amusing stuff Troy... the the 'guy who played -' kind of
grated on me after a very short while
--
Paul. (Hey and we pray everyday still we lay)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Not what it seems...
http://www.geocities.com/dreamst8me/
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