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From: "john adams" <johnqadamsiiinospam@minusthis.yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
Subject: Re: Ruminating on a Dead Pope
Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2005 01:38:56 -0500
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"Parry" <parry@perfectOMITmail.com> wrote in message
news:4259D16A.1736@perfectOMITmail.com...
> It has recently come to my attention that Pope Karol Wojtyla has died.
> He surely wasn't the worst Pope, even though he crushed Liberation
> Theology. My condolences to his wife and children. I understand he has
> been buried in a wood casket inside a metal casket inside another wood
> one, a configuration which, if I am not mistaken, constitutes an orgone
> accumulator. So when they exhume him in five years he should look ten
> years younger and have a healthy erection.
>
> I do not think the Vatican should proceed with its plan to make Paul
> Wolfowitz the next Pope, as the position may interfere with his duties
> at the World Bank. Rather, the Vatican should modernize the Holy See,
> perhaps selecting a black female, someone with a good set of knockers
> and not afraid to show a little leg.
>
> It seems that for forever Pope Karol was there to entertain us -- the
> time Mark David Chapman shot him to impress Jodie Foster, the day he
> invented cold fusion... The world won't see his kind again for probably
> a couple of weeks.
>
> -- Parry
Who killed the Pope? Many conspiracy theories are starting to
surface.
In a new movie called "Who killed the Pope?", Tom Daschle
plays a verteran cop whose personal mission is to find
out who waxed one of the 'greatest religious figures of the 20th
century'. In an opening scene, the Pope is lowered to the
grave in an orgone accumulating coffin. Daschle, visibly
upset, balls up and cries behind a gravestone, vowing vengence.
Looking for clues, Daschle finds himself in a popular
night club in New York. We are treated to a fight
scene in which a riled Frank Sinatra clubs chanteuse Sinead O'connor
with a lava lamp in the head and then proceeds to kick her
unconcious. Later in the movie Sinead finds justice when two IRA
hitmen leave a decapitated Sinatra head at the back
of an empty bus to Toledo (Sinatra's children receive a large
insurance settlement afterwards).
No detective story is complete without a sensual blonde pining
for the main character's attention, and Daschle's female counterpart
is found in an intriguing character, Lota Treadlove, a widower who loves
to play golf in silk gowns and eats expensive silverware underwater.
When Daschle is hot on the trail of the suspected killer, he
is kidnapped and tortured with everything from smelly socks
to eucalyptus leaves beneath the arm pits. To his rescue is
an old acquantaince of his, Belial, an overweight
ex-cop who had secretly been tracking Daschle's trail
ever since he heard the Pope had died and, bedsides, missed
sitting in bronze four door american sedans eating
poor boy's and then having to toss them to the side in order
to suddenly drive away to chase miscellaneous suspects.
After Daschle's escape, Belial, Lota, and Daschle conspire
to catch the killer with an elaborate trap. Daschle's plan goes bad
when Lota turns against the two and Belial is thrown into
a pit of man-eating vipers. A struggle ensues, and then
a high speed chase scene through manhattan on camels.
When Lota's camel screeches around one last corner and hits
a parked minivan, Lota is thrown through the air into a pile of
garbage. She concedes at gunpoint to Daschle that she hired
someone to have the Pope killed. Her motivation was that her
step sister was Elio Gonzalez's great aunt's sister in law. Ever
since the Elio Gonzalez incident, she despised the Pope for not
having taken a more proactive stance.
Daschle slaps her silly and asks her to come down to reality.
Down at the station Daschle is celebrated for cracking the
case and awarded a medal by police chief Crow's Foot (a
Native American played by George Kennedy). To his surprise
Belial arrives to the station intact, covered head to toe in scarlet
kisses. Apparently the vipers were actually kissing snakes,
very similar to the diamond back, but with large red lips and no
rattle. The two walk off into the sunset with their friend Columbo,
the pet monkey.
Later on, a blizzard arrives, and Daschle is called on to
solve the mysterious case of "the missing garden rake".
-john
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