I was wondering- why was the flag flying
half-assed all last week? Oh, I'm sorry, I mean
"half-mast". Did somebody important die?
How did I miss it? Frank Perdue done died.
A giant of a man, a hero not just for the ages
but for all eternity, whose chicken empire touched
the hearts of billions. The man who capitalist
exploits and successful chicken-business manures,
I mean "maneuvers", were single-handedly
responsible for the downfall of communism.
A man whose noble suffering reminded us so
much of Jesus Christ, himself, like a piece of
deep-fried, shishkabobbed city-chicken on a stick.
Boy, did that man know how to turn his suffering
into a successful schitck, with media manuevering
that was expertly slick, only overdone until it made
you sick.
For every moral issue, let us ask ourselves-
"What would Pope Perdue do?"
Far from being a backward Archie Bunker,
Pope Perdue was a towering Catholic intellectual,
one of the most original thinkers since
Pope Innocent VIII, who in 1484 condemned
all the cats and cat-lovers of Europe to death for being
the accomplices of witches.
Pope Perdue knew- it isn't a matter of what you
really do- it's how you push the product. It doesn't
matter how much malarky, it is all a game of
marketing. You don't have to have much of a
head for figures, you just have to be a figurehead.
It doesn't matter if you were leading down the
road to Perdue Perdition, just slap a nice name on
it, like "Tradition". It doesn't matter about your
mediocrity, is all about the media and manufactured
mythology.
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