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From: "Jherek Chamaeleo" <frogoftheworld@bigpond.com>
Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
References: <20030704001921.01952.00000096@mb-m07.aol.com>
Subject: Re: Need group's opinion on very short story I wrote
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Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2003 15:11:56 +1000
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shit
"Troy" <urbnshcker@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20030704001921.01952.00000096@mb-m07.aol.com...
> Bobby woke up--sweaty, hungry, sore and wondering where he was. He looked
up
> and saw the expressive eyes of the guy who played Cody on 'Step By Step'
> staring down into his. As Bobby opened his lips to speak, the guy who
played
> Cody placed his finger upon them as if to gently silence him. The guy who
> played Cody then tenderly stroked his cheek and ran his long fingers
through
> Bobby's hair. Bobby cooed and purred with pleasure, lolling his head
about in
> response to the guy who played Cody's expert touch. He closed his eyes
and
> imagined it was the guy inside the Alf-suit who played Alf that was
caressing
> him and he involuntarily blurted out "Oh, the guy inside the Alf-suit,
you're
> my Daddy. Dial 1-800-Call-ATT on my nether regions with your powerful
digits,
> baby". The guy who played Cody was crushed; am I not attractive enough
for
> Bobby that he has to fantasize about the guy inside the Alf suit, he
thought?
> And why did the author feel the need to erroneously hyphenate 'Alf-suit'
early
> in this paragraph? And why has the author not started another paragraph?
Why
> has he trapped me in this paragraph with excessive and unrelated
information?
> Basic grammatical standards call for the establishment of a new paragraph
when
> a different character's point of view is being represented. Can you hear
me
> asshole author?! Start a new fucking paragraph! The guy who played Cody
on
> 'Step By Step' continued his raving as Bobby, oblivious to the one
paragraph
> characteristic of his story, thought lovingly about the guy inside the
Alf-suit
> and drifted off to sleep in rapturous delight.
>
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