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From: aramargar1@aol.com (Araik Margarian)
Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
Date: 12 Jan 2005 06:36:55 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Subject: Lenin's Funny Life: Part III
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PART 5
When Vladimir left the train, station was full of Majoritarians. They were
chanting "Le-nin! Le-nin!", waving red flags and slogans. He was so touched by
warm acceptation that forgot the text the officer prepared for him. He greeted
with words "Dear friends, compatriots! We will prevail! We will continue
revolution!" The last word returned him blissful memories of good times. "I
love you all!" - After these words mob was so excited and cheering so noisy
that nobody could hear rest of his address. " God bless you all and your
families! Love, peace, freedom to everyone in Russia, from last drunkard to
czar! From hungry worker to factory owner! From destitute peasant to his
farmer! God gave everyone of us one and one sacred life. Let's we all live in
love, peace, forgiveness, compassion, tolerance, equality and harmony!" …
And more of the same. Stalin approached to Ulianov and hugged him as his deity.
Stalin's eyes got wet first and last time in his life when he happily and
solemnly uttered to the Leader: "Hello to Siberian knight from Caucasian
Spartakus!"
It took not to much time that Stalin realized that the leader is totally unfit.
He would constantly whine, missing for Nadejda. Stalin would give him money to
go to bordels, which would keep him busy during the day. Stalin would answer to
folks that Lenin left for revolutionary agitation to masses.
Every prostitute recognized him. But they thought it's tactless to let him
know. Afterwards, being proud that Lenin himself visited to them, they would
brag to each other that Lenin approached her and convinced her to participate
in revolution. One went so far to claim that he encouraged her organize a
battalion to trash away the parliament. She was particularly mad on
parliamentarians who would not bother to pay for her services. When one
complained that Lenin just made love to her and didn't talk anything about
revolution, others attacked her so badly for incriminating such a saint man
that she had to admit that she was lying and actually Lenin was just commanding
her the day they should march to parliament. The day they attacked the
parliament, the parliamentarians escaped from their creditors. Others followed
them. Unfortunately two or tree drunken bystanders killed at incident. The word
passed throughout entire world that Lenin usurped the power in Russia. Ulianov
and Stalin once again became roommates. This time in the Czar's palace. His
only original decree was to bring back all exiles. He joined with Nadejda and
his family after long separation. He gradually liked his sudden role and
started to believe that of course he was genius and it was not by chance he
selected to run the country. He got new ambitions. He started to write articles
which were both naïve and sarcastic. He wrote a pamphlet titled "The Infantile
Disease of Leftism". Stalin dismissed that. Once Ulianov stated that
intellectuals are bullshit. Stalin valued the statement and started to
persecute intellectuals based on Leader's directive. The "Horns and Hoofs" was
in shock and devastation. They did a risky move. They sent an envoy to Stalin
and told him about their power. They are too strong. They are everywhere. Lenin
was in Siberia not because he was a revolutionary but because he was
homosexual. They authored all of his books. Stalin's own life was in trouble if
he wouldn't listen their advices. Stalin's first reaction was to jail the envoy
and try to get others' names. He felt into paranoia that lasted to the end of
his life, periodically jailing, killing, sending to exile millions of
intellectuals and just anyone as a random shot. The same time Ulianov was
irritating him with his childish and stubborn behavior. Ulianov enjoyed
conferences and public meetings where he could show his dominance to Stalin and
the later was very respectful to him. But there he would engage in many silly
talks. In contrary, when they were in small circle, Stalin would ignore him and
they would argue a lot. Once Stalin yelled at him "You, fagot, go command your
Nadejda!". Lenin was embarrassed and started to write complains to Beria who
was running internal affairs of the Russia and his another fellow from aboard
writer Gorky that Stalin was very vulgar and cruel man and named him "fagot".
Stalin was appalled by letters and decided to vindicate him. He released the
envoy with the condition to continue to write brochures but from Stalin's name.
And hinted emphasizing every word that he would be happy if Lenin could never
write at all. With detrimental coincident, the ex-officer who had conceived
the first exile of Ulianov run into the woman who was victim of the case. The
daughter of a famous merchant of the city, divorced, was surviving by gathering
empty bottles. He was very compassionate. He noticed that Lenin was to blame
for her misfortune. "The monster's hand destroyed all the country, not only
you. How much evil will continue to do his cursed hand?"- Rhetorically asked
the ex-officer. He expressed his admiration to her thinking and suggested her
to participate to their opposition party meetings. She was excited by the
meetings, and was encouraged by their admiration to her judgment and
resolution.
Ulianov ordered not punish the woman whose shot wounded his right hand. "She
was carrying a command", - he explained. Stalin sent her life to exile. Stalin
sickened to see Lenin was training to write with left hand. He declared that
Leader needs a comprehensive treatment and moved Ulianov to resort and
restricted any access to him except of a physician.
When Nadejda complained in front of officials that she was his wife and knew
better how to care for Ulianov, Stalin responded with his immortal statement:
"Fucking with the Leader is not mean knowing the Leader" and jailed Nadejda for
a while. Beria with a rare show of revolutionary solidarity suggested sending
prostitutes to him once a while. "He will blob every nonsense about me" -
Stalin excused himself. He stayed firm on his decision even when Beria hinted -
"I know a drunkard obsessed to kill any prostitute. Just show him one."
Ulianov's health was quickly deteriorating under compassionate and caring watch
of the physician. Stalin allowed an old friend Gorky to visit him as he was
working on a book about genius Leader. First time in his life he used his
revolutionary skills to sneak a letter - asking to Majoritarian Congress to
replace the "cruel and dangerous" Stalin - to Gorky's pocket unnoticed to a
watchful physician. … And last time.
Now finally came the time to idolize and idealize him in full extent. His own
only benefit was that his burial postponed for a hundred year.
To be continued.
Araik Margarian
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