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From: aramargar1@aol.com (Araik Margarian)
Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
Date: 11 Jan 2005 01:59:49 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
Subject: Lenin's Funny Life: Part II
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PART 3
After expelling Vladimir Ulianov, the secret officers and professors who were
participating in the venture met secretly. They were boosted by their success,
acknowledged that their actions were positive for Russian Empire and decided to
continue their business, which in time would grow into the most profitable
shadow economy in Czarist Russia. They named their group "Horns and Hoofs".
They defined "three strikes rule" for accusation: If there are facts or rumors
about three fornications by a man, he should be considered for potential
revolutionary involvement. They planned to pay more attention to culturally
more advanced ethnic minorities for four reasons. First, minorities were more
vulnerable. Second, it would hurt credibility if they charged from laid behind
groups. Third, minorities were more traditional and would not care for a fallen
fellow's fate. Fourth, most of them spoke their native languages and was
relatively easy to interpret, let's say, from "Czar is our great dad" to "Czar
is doing great bad". In reality, they not only wouldn't check the
trustworthiness the rumors, but in many occasions themselves create them
against naive and impressionable men and women in rush to cash.
Meanwhile, Stalin returned from exile. He got news that Lenin organized party
abroad. He wrote him a letter, asking to consider him as a party member and
started to recruit from local thieves and mob. He established a very good
contact with Lenin. He didn't know that the contact was between him and ""Horns
and Hoofs".
While the business was thriving, the "Horns and Hoofs" decided to add more
credibility and control to Lenin's phenomenon, in case of future publicity and
complications. Vladimir was surprised receiving letter from the university
where he studied not full three years, offering extern master degree program.
That was prestigious. He spent days and nights in library, turning to boring
textbooks after being exhosted reading the great discovery that was missing in
Russia - erotic literature. He was surprised and proud to receive honorary
degree in law and invitation to write articles for the university for a steady
salary. "God loves me", - he would say for himself. He worked diligently. And
by the easy thrown words of Beria he earned "our philosopher" nickname within
Majoritarian friends. He didn't know that the university had established a
articles had been thrown in garbage after being circulated and laughed at
within "Horns and Hoofs" circle.
A divorced woman - daughter of an impoverished aristocrat - dreamt about to
start over her life abroad. His father's friend, who was from "Horns and
Hoofs", made a deal to her: She had to get close to Vladimir to witness about
his revolutionary activity and genius when it become necessary. After that she
will be free to settle her own there.
They met in library. The woman, Nadejda Krupskaya, represented herself as an
active revolutionary who had to leave Russia. She gave Vladimir a book to read.
It was titled "Materialism and Empirocriticism". By Lenin.
The book was one of the most boring things Vladimir ever has read. He used to
say, "Revolution is bullshit". He had superficial understanding about politics
and philosophy. Just enough to engage in sophisticated flirting with an
alluring lady. So he cursed that "boring" and "homo" (epithet he would use for
philosophers) Lenin several times until he finished the book.
He had to finish it as Nadejda had praised the author as the idol of the
progressive Russia. He wanted to impress Nadejda with his original opinions
about the book, as he presented himself to her as law adviser for a prestigious
Russian university. He couldn't realize that when he wanted to impress a woman,
he would subconsciously adopt her views on different subjects.
At first, unprejudiced Vladimir was appalled by the uninhibited freedom of
Nadejda in bedroom. But the romance grew into marriage. Nadejda would lean on
him and stare to his face while he was asleep. Her glance was sad.
She would feel some sorry that this nice guy destined to die without suspecting
the foul play around him. He would wake up and interpret her look as a sign of
deep love. Indeed, they mutual love would grow. Meanwhile she would diligently
report every detail about him and behave by instructions. Vladimir left his
careless life. By recommendations of Nadejda
He even started to learn Latin. He kept himself aside from Majoritarian club.
He was up to learn seriously, get job and raise children. Those years were best
years for both. She was gradually getting attached to him too. The "Horns and
Hoofs" didn't expect that. They admitted that they enterprise went to far. They
waited for Nadejda to get pregnant. Then would appear many friends, hints,
facts to Vladimr that the child was not his. If he lacked gut, others would act
for him. He would be convinced of murder and then they will initiate crackdown
on pseudo and real revolutionaries. But destiny was favorable to Vladimir at
that period. Nadejda was not getting pregnant. That would make them very
concerned, while actually that was their happiness. Nobody knows how long
would continue their idyllic life, if not World War One.
PART 4
In the turmoil of the war and raising dissent in country, "Horns and Hoofs"
lost control of Ulianov and interest to Stalin. Subsequently, Stalin lost
connection to Lenin and Ulianov lost payments from the university. Vladimir and
Nadejda experienced a very poor existence. Beria would time by time provide
help to them. Nobody had a clue where he found money. Vladimir would not dare
to ask, as it was almost the only source of their survival after the hosted
country closed their club and kept them in a camp.
By a miracle or what, a real convoy of Stalin reached to Vladimir. An old woman
with Agata Christy appearance,with grotesque look, panama and big dark glasses
suddenly greeted him with strange "hello to Siberian knight from Caucasian
Spartakus!" words. That was their parole by which Stalin's men would get
letters from Lenin before. She quickly followed the question: "What we should
do these days in Russia?" That was to the button. Vladimir forgot about sudden
appearance of this queer woman, forgot about her queer greeting. He remembered
past times of receiving stipend from university. Times of governmental support.
Times of peaceful life. And he exclaimed to her in a rare anger: "War must be
ended! As soon as possible! Even if Russia lose the war! What a big deal!" The
old woman disappeared as sudden as she appeared. The words, reached to Stalin,
were enough to spread the wisdom and directives of the leader: "Russia must
lose the war! Because revolution should follow! As soon as possible!" Country
was boiling. To stop chaos, progressive forces of Russia deposed Czar and
declared Russia as a democratic republic. But that was not enough for hungry
and angry masses who demanded "Lenin! Peace! Bread!" When the situation was
getting more and more critical, "Horns and Hoofs" were kind of confused that
the situation mostly was the result of their reckless corruption. But also they
felt ambitious for their covert influence. Nobody would utter either feeling.
They spread rumors that Lenin was a spy for an enemy country. That's why he
insisted Russia to lose the war. That Lenin was a homosexual. That's why he
escaped from Russia and settled abroad with his wealthy lover. That he suffered
from syphilis. That's why he could not father children. But myths are hard to
break. More hard than to create. Hopes of masses relied on their leader. Lenin
couldn't have any sins. His hearth and mind were with poor people. That's why
he didn't get married. They would not buy rumors. The "Horns and Hoofs" decided
to bring back Ulianov. Their awkward leader would quickly disappoint mobs.
Moreover, he would act under their control.
Two men abducted Vladimir and brought him back on a train. In an empty wagon, a
man presented himself as czarist secret agent. He apologized for abduction and
told Vladimir that Russia needed him. That's where he was headed to lead and
pacify the masses. "Why me? I am a simple man. This must be a mistake. I
already suffered too much from stupid mistakes of others. What has to do with
masses this short and bald guy? Why the government could not pacify masses? Why
that fucken Lenin could not lead the masses?"- Was whining Vladimir. "You ARE
Lenin!"- Uttered the officer with friendly smile. "What you mean?" The officer
explained him that Lenin has died suddenly in exile. If masses knew that, then
country would fall into a great chaos. Vladimir looked like him as twin
brothers. He should pretend to be Lenin. There would be people around to help
him. This is great responsibility in front of God and Russia. He should be
proud of his role. After prevention of chaos he could be joined with his wife
and moreover with his relatives in Russia and would live in full safety and
respect. Vladimir felt scared. Very scared. And excited the same time. He
missed Nadejda. He missed their quiet nights. Sinking into memories passed his
anxiety. He thought himself as a forced actor in a scary theater which name is
reality. After first shock the officer told him in brief the situation in
Russia. Surprisingly, they were two rival parties in Russia with the same
names. Lenin were leader of Majoritarians. "Life is full of coincidences", -
thought himself Vladimir.
PART 5
Araik Margarian
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