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From: "john adams" <nospam@nospam.com>
Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
References: <QuLdc.3250$rg5.29618@attbi_s52> <CMMec.38657$LL6.1024@fe1.texas.rr.com> <407BEC27.60007@citilink.com> <9KWec.42685$LL6.37745@fe1.texas.rr.com> <407CAED1.1040901@citilink.com> <wF3fc.21124$jR6.19890@fe2.texas.rr.com> <407D0E15.2060104@citilink.com> <kBqfc.3010$Se5.2603@fe2.texas.rr.com> <407E7365.8090002@citilink.com> <ypDfc.5774$Se5.2369@fe2.texas.rr.com> <407F883A.8060708@citilink.com>
Subject: Re: Let's Get Metaphysical
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Date: Fri, 16 Apr 2004 08:17:55 GMT
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Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.surrealism:1164
"Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
news:407F883A.8060708@citilink.com...
>
>
> john adams wrote:
> > "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
> > news:407E7365.8090002@citilink.com...
> >
> >>
> >> john adams wrote:
> >>> "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
> >>> news:407D0E15.2060104@citilink.com...
> >>>
> >>>>
> >>>> john adams wrote:
> >>>>> "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
> >>>>> news:407CAED1.1040901@citilink.com...
> >>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> john adams wrote:
> >>>>>>> "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
> >>>>>>> news:407BEC27.60007@citilink.com...
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> john adams wrote:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> I'd like to hear more about hats. I'm thinking about
> >>>>>>>>> opening a small business soon.
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> Thanks, j
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats are the only animals which will crawl into your
> >>>>>>>> hand to die, if you palm a piece of Velveeta.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats abhor small businessmen.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats have exo-skeletons made of hydrogenated felt, and
> >>>>>>>> they cling to the ceiling during the evening news.
> >>>>>>>> Don't look!
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats are gastropods who want to fly.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats hear voices coming fronm your head.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats might as well be doughnuts in a hurricane.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> 50% of America's hats voted for Republicans, and look
> >>>>>>>> what they got for the effort! 50% of America's hats
> >>>>>>>> voted for Democrats, and look what they got for the
> >>>>>>>> effort!
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> If a hat climbs up a red ladder, it can't climb down
> >>>>>>>> again.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Hats!
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Excellent info! Just what I wanted to hear! Hats are
> >>>>>>> going to be the next big thing. I feel it: hats are going
> >>>>>>> to be everywhere. Hats off to hats and hats off to
> >>>>>>> things!
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> My suggestion: small businessmen should wear large hats,
> >>>>>> and large businessmen should wear small hats, and all
> >>>>>> businessmen should be stunned and thrown into the
> >>>>>> Fedorabbatoir and made into breakfast links.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Nonsense. Businessmen are businessmen. Blind and gag the
> >>>>> frogmen. They dont have ears and never listen to their
> >>>>> orders. Pump them full of air and float them across the
> >>>>> border. When you get the time. Drop your drawers and salute
> >>>>> the queen on your way home. Marry a stag fish. Break out of
> >>>>> jail and go loco.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>> I once dropped multiple drawers in an attempt (ala Hansel and
> >>>> Greta Garbo) to leave a trail back to mother's brothotel, but
> >>>> the swamp chiggers oozed out of a small blue beret and ate them
> >>>> all up, so we wandered deeper and deeper into the Mega Mall
> >>>> until we found a kiosk made entirely of trans-fatty acids. Then
> >>>> we went to war with Cleveland, and Greta had to put on the
> >>>> camouflage tutu, sew her head into a flour bag and live in a
> >>>> fur-lined trnech. Even the Underwears'R'Us store didn't cheer
> >>>> me up. Off in the diatance - conveniently painted on the wall
> >>>> near the Haveadump Station - a mountain gorilla peeled the
> >>>> pajamas off a haberdasher.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Of course, that reminds me of the story of Prince Toomanynames
> >>> who had once kissed a bride and turned her into a rusted coat. In
> >>> exclamation he coughed and then went to sleep, only to awake to
> >>> his eye sockets being scraped out by a hungry lion. When the
> >>> blizzard was finally over Lord Multi Operational Planning
> >>> Commitee called upon the citizens of the land to commit suicide
> >>> by decree. As this was an unpopular decision everyone decided to
> >>> go to war. In the end good looks prevailed over beauty. Prince
> >>> Toomanynames married Vanity Party advocate Au Contraire. In a
> >>> limo wreck on the day of his 5th wife's execution the Prince was
> >>> thrown several feet in the air and never heard from again.
> >>>
> >>>
> >> Dr. Momo's Analysis:
> >>
> >> 1. "Prince Toomanynames" is a too-obvious anagram of "Yakima
> >> Revolver," who was the author of (not-coincidentally) a novel
> >> entitled "A Rusted
> >
> > Coat."
> >
> >> 2. In southern Fluorinia, "kissing a bride" means that one is
> >> giving birth to a rusted eye socket.
> >>
> >> 3. There are no lions in Hungary.
> >>
> >> 4. The Vanity Party is still going on, although Au Contraire was
> >> raped by a Hungarian lion over by the water cooler.
> >>
> >> 5. In E.R's third season, the gang went to a local bar which
> >> featured lion-headed swizzle sticks and a menu item called "The
> >> Hungarian rust Coat." No one has ever ordered it.
> >>
> >> dmh
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> That limo was really a linoleum tile, so it is no surprise it went
> >> off the road in search of common ground.
> >
> >
> > So, at least we can determine that lions from hungary were responbile
> > for the mass extermination of the gentle cardinal people. Living in
> > huts above ground did not protect them from predators or harsh IRS
> > investigations. Reporting from a taxi deep beneath the sea, over to
> > you...
> >
> >
> Hah! Those "gentle cardinal people" - as revealed in the reference book
> discovered on the body of Jack the Ripper's third victim - were agents
> of the Contra-Iluminati para-group The Beside-The-Pointillists,
> responsible for 236 ecto-bombings in the year of the Lisbon earthquake,
> and as many Pomeranian abductions the following year. They are not above
> suspicion in several other "crimes" dating back to the first traverse of
> the Bering Sea, including (but not limited to) the "Mane Manhandling" of
> the hungarian lions in 1236. So - as you see- the extermination,
> horrible as it is, was merely a response to transgression. Dairy Queen
> keeps a file on this matter, and I have seen it through the little wire
> window.
Ah, Dairy Queen! She was such a corny dame. Always preferring snow
to reality. I remember when she sang Wunderbar to the Ice Capades
labor union, back in the day when ice cream sandwiches were still cheap
and President Lincoln had the country by the balls. I guess that was
when terry-cloth was still cool, too. But hey ...who said life would always
be roses? Picasso once said: "If you sleep with another man's wife
be sure to sleep with his pony too." Ten thousand years later and
it still rings true today.
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