| Re: Let's Get Metaphysical |
Posted via Supernews, ht .. |
| Dale Houstman (dmh7@citilink.com) |
2004/04/15 05:35 |
john adams wrote:
> "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
> news:407D0E15.2060104@citilink.com...
>
>>
>> john adams wrote:
>>> "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
>>> news:407CAED1.1040901@citilink.com...
>>>
>>>>
>>>> john adams wrote:
>>>>> "Dale Houstman" <dmh7@citilink.com> wrote in message
>>>>> news:407BEC27.60007@citilink.com...
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> john adams wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I'd like to hear more about hats. I'm thinking about
>>>>>>> opening a small business soon.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Thanks, j
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats are the only animals which will crawl into your hand
>>>>>> to die, if you palm a piece of Velveeta.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats abhor small businessmen.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats have exo-skeletons made of hydrogenated felt, and they
>>>>>> cling to the ceiling during the evening news. Don't look!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats are gastropods who want to fly.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats hear voices coming fronm your head.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats might as well be doughnuts in a hurricane.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> 50% of America's hats voted for Republicans, and look what
>>>>>> they got for the effort! 50% of America's hats voted for
>>>>>> Democrats, and look what they got for the effort!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> If a hat climbs up a red ladder, it can't climb down again.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hats!
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Excellent info! Just what I wanted to hear! Hats are going to
>>>>> be the next big thing. I feel it: hats are going to be
>>>>> everywhere. Hats off to hats and hats off to things!
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>> My suggestion: small businessmen should wear large hats, and
>>>> large businessmen should wear small hats, and all businessmen
>>>> should be stunned and thrown into the Fedorabbatoir and made
>>>> into breakfast links.
>>>
>>>
>>> Nonsense. Businessmen are businessmen. Blind and gag the frogmen.
>>> They dont have ears and never listen to their orders. Pump them
>>> full of air and float them across the border. When you get the
>>> time. Drop your drawers and salute the queen on your way home.
>>> Marry a stag fish. Break out of jail and go loco.
>>>
>>>
>> I once dropped multiple drawers in an attempt (ala Hansel and Greta
>> Garbo) to leave a trail back to mother's brothotel, but the swamp
>> chiggers oozed out of a small blue beret and ate them all up, so we
>> wandered deeper and deeper into the Mega Mall until we found a
>> kiosk made entirely of trans-fatty acids. Then we went to war with
>> Cleveland, and Greta had to put on the camouflage tutu, sew her
>> head into a flour bag and live in a fur-lined trnech. Even the
>> Underwears'R'Us store didn't cheer me up. Off in the diatance -
>> conveniently painted on the wall near the Haveadump Station - a
>> mountain gorilla peeled the pajamas off a haberdasher.
>
>
> Of course, that reminds me of the story of Prince Toomanynames who
> had once kissed a bride and turned her into a rusted coat. In
> exclamation he coughed and then went to sleep, only to awake to his
> eye sockets being scraped out by a hungry lion. When the blizzard was
> finally over Lord Multi Operational Planning Commitee called upon the
> citizens of the land to commit suicide by decree. As this was an
> unpopular decision everyone decided to go to war. In the end good
> looks prevailed over beauty. Prince Toomanynames married Vanity Party
> advocate Au Contraire. In a limo wreck on the day of his 5th wife's
> execution the Prince was thrown several feet in the air and never
> heard from again.
>
>
Dr. Momo's Analysis:
1. "Prince Toomanynames" is a too-obvious anagram of "Yakima Revolver,"
who was the author of (not-coincidentally) a novel entitled "A Rusted Coat."
2. In southern Fluorinia, "kissing a bride" means that one is giving
birth to a rusted eye socket.
3. There are no lions in Hungary.
4. The Vanity Party is still going on, although Au Contraire was raped
by a Hungarian lion over by the water cooler.
5. In E.R's third season, the gang went to a local bar which featured
lion-headed swizzle sticks and a menu item called "The Hungarian rust
Coat." No one has ever ordered it.
dmh
That limo was really a linoleum tile, so it is no surprise it went off
the road in search of common ground.
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