Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
From: Miss Elaine Eos <Misc@*your-shoes*PlayNaked.com>
Newsgroups: alt.languages.english
Subject: Re: invitation
Organization: Very little. Maybe some on weekends.
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Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 02:38:45 GMT
Xref: news.nzbot.com alt.languages.english:636
In article <w2W8e.1530$9G.212501@news20.bellglobal.com>,
"userme" <userme@hotmail.com> wrote:
> Hi I want to send this email to a newsgroup of my city inviting them to play
> soccer. Could you please help me editing/rewrite this invitation if you
> think it needs to be rewritten. I appreciate your help in advance. Thanks
>
> =====================================
>
> Hi
> I want to assemble 2 teams to play soccer for fun and recreation purpose
> (2-5 days a week, after 6pm).
"...to play soccer for the purposes of fun and recreation (2-5...)"
or
"...to play soccer for fun and recreation (2-5...)"
> We can play in Weston Churchill park
> (St.Clair/Spadiana, Foresthill) where parking available for free after 6 pm.
"...where free parking is available after 6pm."
> No fee, no rules etc. The only rule is to be friendly and to play for fun
> not to compete.
So, you're not really playing soccer, then? Soccer is a competitive
sport, in which the teams each try to score goals against the other's
defenses. Perhaps you mean something along the lines of:
There are no fees, and the games will focus on a friendly, fun
play-style, where score will not be counted.
> If I will get many responses from many people, then we can
> assemble more teams and maybe play a small tournament for fun.
"If there are enough responses, we can assemble more teams..."
or
"If there is enough interest, we can assemble more teams..."
> Benefit of playing soccer outdoor
"Out of doors" or "outdoors".
> 1) To stay fit and healthy
> 2) To meet new people (that is why I encourage men and women to participate)
> 3) To have fun
>
> I am 39 male.
This last sentence, combined with your parenthetical comment on #2,
might lead some to wonder if you're running a social or dating service
(or just trying to "pick up chicks" ;) If this is not your intent, I'd
change #2 to say "2) To make new friends" and drop the sentence about
you being a 39 year old male. If age and sex don't matter, then no one
should care what yours is.
> Age/Sex is not an issue. We welcome all from 14 years old 100 :)
"Age/sex is not..."
> We need people with good and fun attitude
"...with a good and fun attitude."
--
Please take off your shoes before arriving at my in-box.
I will not, no matter how "good" the deal, patronise any business which sends
unsolicited commercial e-mail or that advertises in discussion newsgroups.
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