Rinze Smit wrote:
> hi,
> we need a little text for a cd. Could anyone give me some pointers on
> grammar (and maybe construction) in this piece of text?
>
> Many thanks in advance
> Showband Marum, The Netherlands
> Rinze Smit
>
This is not a grammar problem, but reads better this way:
The band received 4 gold medals during the World Music Contests,
including two 'with distinction', and won the Dutch Championships several
times.
I assume the "flashing" guard complements the "colorful" uniform, and that
there really isn't such a thing as a "flashing guard". If so, I'd say:
The colorful uniform and the flashy guard makes the band unique...
This flows a little better this way:
Showband Marum also holds the world record for the "Longest musical
march" of 75,2 kilometers.
Don't need a comma here:
This compact disk is the third one of the band.
Does this sound better? Maybe just my preference:
"Russians" was released in 1992, and "My Favorite Things", on which you
could also hear some concert pieces, in 1997.
More suggestions:
This CD contains "The West Side Story" show, which was performed in 2002 and
2003, and "Colours of the world" which will be performed in 2004 and 2005.
It also contains a concert piece (tracks 10-14).
Should be a new paragraph:
If you need any more information on Showband Marum, please visit our website
at www.showbandmarum.nl
Hope this helps some.
--
Wake
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