On Mon, 18 Jul 2011 19:28:33 -0400, Doc NP-f31 wrote:
>I posted this over in The Fort a few days ago, but it got lost in a
>picture flood, so I thought I'd bring it over here where saner people
>hang out. Not that there is anything wrong with being Insane For Boys.
>LOL!
>
>Last week I went to a family get together and was able to connect with
>my young cousin, Zack. I hadn't seen Zack in a few years. He was
>eleven or so then and a chubby, quiet fellow. It usually took some
>time to draw him out of his shell, but it was worth it because he's an
>extremely intelligent and fun kid.
>
>Zack is 14 now. The first thing he asked me when he saw me
>was about where my son was. I told him that my son was at the beach
>with his best friend. He was disappointed at first, but then he saw my
>new puppy, Olli, and was smitten. He asked if he could pet Olli and I
>said, 'Of course, you can hold him if you want.' I gave him Olli to
>hold and then said, 'Zack, this puberty thing is really working out
>for you. You've dropped some weight, put on some muscle and you are
>looking good!' It was true too, but the compliment really caused him
>to brighten considerably. From that moment on he was my constant
>companion.
>
>Paying attention to a boy can cause some remarkable things to happen.
>Boys like Zack, who are former tubbies, often still have self esteem
>problems. They are often shy and unused to attention. When they see
>someone who is genuinely interested in them as a person, well, that
>feeling is like crack for them. They can't get enough of it. Over the
>course of the weekend Zack came ALL the way out of his shell. He even
>stood up in front of a crowd and performed in a talent show. He
>admitted that it was a big step for him.
>
>When a boy begins to fall in love with you he will seek you out. His
>intent is to engage you so that you will be all about him. As
>boylovers, we are all about them anyway. So, invariably a boy who
>normally wouldn't put two sentences together in conversation with an
>adult will end up having long interesting conversations with the man
>who pays attention to him. So it was with Zack. Zack has a wonderful
>Dad who is active in his life, but a boy like Zack, and indeed most
>boys, truly benefit from a strong relationship with a man who is not
>their father. It gives them something to weigh against what they hear
>from their parents. The attention they receive, especially if it is
>positive attention, causes their self esteem to rocket upward.
>
>Both Zack and I continued our normal routines during our weekend
>together, but it always seemed like when I sat down from some errand I
>would soon find Zack at my side. Being sought out is a wonderful
>feeling for us as boylovers. There were many other Dads, boys, and
>people where we were that Zack knew well, but he stayed around me most
>of the time, as did many of the other boys, his little brothers
>included. I'm sure this has happens to most of you as well. You are a
>boy magnet. I can't explain it, it is the way we are. My ex-wife
>always said it was because I have an open face and personality. Maybe
>she's right, who knows?
>
>We talked about scouting, a passion of his. We talked about school,
>sports, girls, whatever came up. We could talk this way because he was
>comfortable around me in ways he isn't with his Dad. His Dad was often
>right there with us as Zack talked and acknowledged Zack's openness
>around me.
>
>In the end, we laughed shared many stories and revelled in each
>other's company. He shyly asked me if I had a Facebook account; I said
>that I did and asked him if he had one. He said, 'Not yet, but he'll
>be allowed to have one next month when he gets a new laptop.' He
>'friended' me on his Mom's account yesterday. LOL! I was the emcee for
>the 'Talent Show' and encouraged him to get up and perform. He did, he
>put on sunglasses and read a list of the world's worst jokes from his
>iPhone in a completely deadpan delivery. Stephen Wright would have
>been proud. It was VERY funny.
>
>When we parted, he hugged me. He said, 'I never do this' and proceeded
>to give me an awkward 'Bro-hug' complete with back pat. I said, 'Try
>it this way', and gave him a warm bear hug. 'Your way is better,' he
>acknowledged.
>
>So, I gave him my time and attention. He got a boatload of self
>esteem, happy memories and the kind of attention he could get nowhere
>else. I watched him grow over three days. It was a beautiful sight.
>
>What did I get?
>
>I got to spend the weekend with a wonderful boy.
>
>Life is good.
>
>Doc
>NP-f31
>
>Your comments solicited.
DOC
Thanks for sharing, and a great tale I asm certain many may have
experienced and I guess quite a few wish they had experienced.
I can relate insofar as, in my younger days, I was a youth leader and
operated in a somewhat non-politically correct way with the
youngsters, treating them as equals and expecting the same in return -
this was frowned upon as wrong - adults are in-charge and must 'tell'
youngsters what to do etc., etc.,
I found my method usually got the better results - treat people with
respect and they repay in spades, and often form an attachment which
can be very fulfilling, for both.
In a world where parents are fighting to get the bills paid and the
plates filled, having someone outside the family who can be talked to
and spend time with, is useful and in many cases essential. Many
youngsters have home and school and nothing else, so who do they talk
to when things are tough/confusing etc., and how do they learn to
express themselves - often the investment of a little time, love and
affection can alter a person, both receiver and giver, in a very short
space of time.
I hope you have the opportunity of extending your friendship with
Zack, and do let us know how things develop.
Bendog
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