On 15 Jul 2010 22:33:15 GMT, David <not@home.net> wrote:
>NP-f31 wrote in news:odvp36d5bjc6e0uchmg2skklck7aar55to@4ax.com:
>
>> On 13 Jul 2010 18:38:49 GMT, David <not@home.net> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Thank you Doc for sharing - someone close to me read your note and has
>>>whispered that trust is a two way street.
>>>
>>>David
>>
>>
>> Thanks to all who responded, Grant, Zackie, Rikard and David.
>>
>> David your note intrigues me. Not only is trust a two way street, but
>> trust is earned. My son can tell me anything because he knows I will
>> never judge him and the advice I give him is based on experience,
>> considered thought and unconditional love. I couldn't and didn't talk
>> to my own Dad about the sort of things my kids talk to me about. I can
>> do it now because I'm where he was then.
>>
>> As a boylover I work on gaining and maintaining the trust of the boys
>> in my life. I try to be consistent and focused on them and their
>> needs.
>>
>> Are you talking about trusting the boys in your life? I agree this is
>> sometimes a challenge. I have dealt with boys who were lairs or would
>> steal from me. These things are not insurmountable. But the secret to
>> success is to never put yourself (or your boy) in a position where
>> your fate is in his hands. Is that what you were getting at?
>>
>> Doc
>> NP-f31
>>
>
>Doc,
>
>Double Trouble (DT) and I have been following threads in this NG as it
>closely follows a discussion we have been having in regard to health,
>life and love - just to mention a few relevant subjects that is of
>interest to a very near thirteen year old. Part of the interest is what
>do other people think of these matters and why is there such a range of
>opinion (and matters surgical as with your discussion with VV were of
>great interest).
>
>We covered the "birds and the bees" a couple of years ago and at the
>time I was startled at the graphic description I was given by DT on this
>process - I was trying to keep it biological / medical and this was not
>the confirmation that was sought.
>
>DT read your note about your son and friends which then started a
>discussion on careing and love - why our emotions are different
>depending on whom we are relating to - why we can talk openly and
>honestly to certain people, which he calls trust but also relates to
>love - and others where we have to hide our feelings and thoughts. The
>love that DT is exploring is not of the "I love sweets or love watching
>a movie" it has a deep sense of belonging and giving.
>
>My description of DT is superficial and wanting though perhaps in time I
>can elaborate a bit more. DT is far from being precocious, plays soccer
>and cricket, drives a decrepit quad bike far too fast, plays a mean game
>of chess, speaks four languages fluently and understands the basics of
>two others - this the result of parents living and working in foreign
>places. I'm just the guardian, surrogate father and friend.
>
>David
Hey David and DT!
Thanks for clarifying your 'cryptic quote' in the previous post. Yes,
yes, yes trust is a two-way street. When it comes to the deep feelings
of love that DT is exploring trust is the crux, isn't it? Whether the
object of our affection is male or female, broaching that critical
subject of 'this is how I feel about you' hinges on how comfortable
you feel when it comes to trusting your heart to another. A dear
friend in The Fort some years ago, Spencer (NP-f30) was a few months
older than DT when he discovered that he had strong feelings for his
best friend Ricky. He got a lot of mixed signals from Ricky. Ricky was
very affectionate to Spencer, but he also had a 'girlfriend'. We
talked about how to let Ricky know that Spencer had strong feelings
for him. I told Spencer that 'normally' I would advocate being direct,
but since we didn't really know how Ricky felt, we should consider his
feelings and say something that could be construed two ways. If Ricky
reacted negatively, then Spencer could say, 'Oh, I meant THIS, not
that.' But Spencer was in love and impetuous and he swung for the
fences (American euphemism for going for broke) he ended up freaking
Ricky out and spoiling their friendship. And a lot of other bad things
ensued.
I sympathize with DT if he is experiencing such emotions. At almost 13
DT has just begun to figure out his own emotions and reading the heart
of someone else is damn near impossible. If I might suggest to DT,
your friend David seems a level headed sort. You might bounce ideas
off him. If David is the object of affection, well.....it's probably
okay to hug him.
Double Trouble, if I may be so bold:
The guys in here, David, VV, Grant, Zackie, Chad, et al. we're all
about helping boys like you. You've been following our heartfelt
discussions and insane mutterings. Is there something YOU would like
us to discuss? We're here for you, young dude. We'll be thrilled to do
what we love to do anyway in the service of one of our young friends.
Be careful though, you might end up as a usenet rock star like Spencer
Dude did. LOL!
Much love and affection,
Doc
NP-f31
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