I've decided, after my previous post regarding nuture or nature and
the All American Institution of Disneyland and my own youthful
affections, to impose upon Teddy's good nature to make another musical
contribution.
Of course, this being the usenet, there isn't an awfully lot that Ted
can do to stop me! Nor can you, my dear readers, so I hope you will
put up with my silly notions.
Or does one say, I hope up with my silly notions you will put?
My God, I hope not.
Anyway, as a youngster the idea of being completely, or as it used to
be said, ALTOGETHER NAKED and seeing others ALTOGETHER NUDE, evoked a
mixture of emotions ... excitement at being daring, sentimental
feelings of wanting to be hugged and coddled and cuddled [I suppose I
was jealous of my littlest brother], humour [God knows we got the
giggles] and of course, for the pure sense of delicious, sinful
freedom ... a state absolutely forbidden to most children of Western
society.
As I turned towards puberty, a new emotion regarding nakedness,
particularly that of young boys, crept in. I think it was not lust,
but longing. I can tell you it was an emotion which caused the
swelling of heart, rather than the penis. I would get absolutely
short of breath, slightly woozy, upon seeing a naked lad -- even a
picture [and they were bloody hard to find, to be sure] of a naked
lad. I think I wanted to slip right into his skin. Now, as is the
nature of puberty, I also began having unsolicited sexual responses,
even in non-sexual situations--in the middle of French class, for
example, while trying to study a particularly dry conjugation of verbs
and ignore an intently, intensely swelling member. Now I personally
can't think of anything that would more effectively take the starch
out of an erection than French Grammar! But no ... the hormones at
that age are stronger than the most intense ennui!
It was only a matter of time, certainly, when my longing and love of
boys melded with the sexual response to produce an emotion familiar to
all ... lust. By mid puberty, I had come to see boys in a sexual
context as well.
But I will say during that transitional period between giggles and
lust, I did signify my longing as anything sexual, but sentimental and
nostalgic. My first object of such longing was a lad I knew in
grammar school ... Bradley. He was a friend, brown haired, browned
eyed, a pleasingly round face with a scattering of freckles around the
nose and a glorious smile. He was just mischevious enough for me,
this hesitant, shy and unsure boy of twelve, to earn my complete envy.
Now, I can hear you saying to yourselves ... a ha! His first
EXPERIENCE!
No, sorry to disappoint. Bradley and I were simply friends ... silly,
joking, slapping about lunch buddies and that's all.
Why should this be important? Well, a year later, on the cusp of my
transition, I dreamed about him.
Oh, oh ... wait a minute. Be right back.
God Save Her Majesty the Queen.
God Preserve the Prince of Wales.
Rule Britannia!
|
|