NP-f31 wrote in news:nrhn361unne827c9b2qug65uuftln53v3a@4ax.com:
> This weekend I spent my time with family. I had the chance to spend a
> lot of time with three different boys. The first was my own son, who
> is 13. He had spent the previous two weeks away from me. He spent a
> week with a friend from school, and his family in the mountains. Then
> he went with his Mom to visit family up north. So I hadn't seen him in
> two weeks. I had missed him badly. Turns out he'd missed me too. We
> were at a family reunion up in a different set of mountains. My oldest
> son had brought his girlfriend and she needed her own room so my
> youngest son slept with me. When we got in bed he asked me if we had
> to go to sleep right away because he'd missed me and he really wanted
> to talk. I said we can talk all night if you want. I've spent his
> whole life instilling in him the trust that would allow him to talk to
> me about anything. It has worked. He can talk to me about whatever is
> on his mind (like the alarming differences between himself and the
> other boys in the locker room). Friday night we talked about his
> experiences with his friend's family and how different they were from
> his own family. He knows his family is not perfect, but sometimes it
> compares favorably to the family of his friends. He was intrigued by
> the things he sees now that he's a teenager that he didn't see before.
> He sees the flaws in people he loves and that makes him sad. We talked
> about how others see him. He is always surprised that the parents of
> his friends are smitten with him. I hear comments all the time. He was
> raised as I was, in the southern style where you address adults with
> a, 'Yes sir' and 'Yes Ma'am'. But he is also able to carry on an adult
> conversation and most of his friends, as intelligent as they may be,
> do not have the social grace to engage an adult in serious
> conversation and hold their own. I see this too, but I've spoken to
> him as an equal since he was six years old. Being a father is an
> incredible honor and a lifelong job. Knowing that you helped create a
> soul of such infinite beauty is a humbling experience.
>
> My son is physically beautiful and that is the first thing that you
> would notice about him. However, if you were to have a conversation
> with him, you would be struck by the way he holds your gaze and
> listens so well to you. You know how, as a boylover, you can make a
> boy feel special just by smiling at him in a certain way? He has the
> gift of being able to do this with anyone. It comes as naturally to
> him as it does to you. Is he a boylover? No, he loves everyone. I
> spent some time watching him this weekend, from a nearby vantage
> point. Much of his attention was spent with kids his age or a little
> older, but when I watched him engage other adults, especially older
> adults, I saw the way he made them feel. He has a special relationship
> with a male cousin of mine who is a few years older than me. This man
> was married three times and screwed each marriage up. He was a
> temporary step-father to six different children, only to have them
> move away from him, it honestly crushed him. He is now a virtual
> hermit. He is a good man, as different from me as a full blood
> relative can be. This relative lived with my family at two different
> low points in his life. He was able to form a tight bond with my son
> during those times, and my son adores him. The effect my son has on my
> cousin is as important as the effect he has on my son. I encourage the
> relationship because my cousin can teach my son things that I could
> never teach him, and he can set a contrasting example of what a man
> can be the good and the bad. I encourage the relationship because I
> know that my sons love is one of the few things that keeps my cousin
> from checking out for good.
>
> Having my son all to myself is my favorite pastime. Friday night, we
> lay in bed together, his head on my shoulder, a ceiling fan cooling us
> off, and we talked well into the night about everything that mattered
> to him. We ended up drifting off to sleep. It was the sort of thing I
> dream about as a boylover, and I shared that joy with my own son.
>
> This sort of relationship is not an option for many boylovers.
> However, the goal can be the same. It is entirely possible to have
> that intimate closeness with a boy who is not your natural son. It is
> most rewarding experience a boylover can have.
>
> Which brings me to Brandon. By all accounts Brandon has no business
> being on earth. Born prematurely and with serious problems, he spent
> much of his first two months in a hospital and many subsequent
> operations as he grew. He was a fighter though. Sadly the financial
> strain of keeping him alive ruined his parent's marriage. Brandon's
> father doesn't have much to do with him. Because of this Brandon has
> always been fascinated by me. I met him eight years ago when he was
> eight. He had, and still has, impossibly thin legs and a deep scar
> across his abdomen that bears witness to the struggles of his early
> years. He doesn't have precise motor control over his face and neck
> and sometimes he appears to have cerebral palsy, but that isn't the
> case. When he was eight Brandon still wore braces on his legs. He
> tried his best to compete in the Kid Olympics we staged that summer.
> He loved to be swing around by his arms in circles until he was ready
> to puke. Even then, as a little kid, who couldn't speak precisely or
> clearly, he said things that were so heartfelt and profound that he
> brought tears to the eyes anyone with a soul. He was so appreciative
> of the love and acceptance he received from my family (we made him an
> honorary family member) that he gave thanks. He taught me the lesson
> that even someone who has been so afflicted in his life has the
> capacity and right to be joyful. And so he is. He is 16 now, and still
> doesn't know why I love him the way I do. He is a handsome kid,
> puberty has begun to add muscles to his torso (but not his legs, not
> yet anyway), he shaves a little, but he has a lot of trouble getting
> the attention of girls. He ran errands with me this weekend (I let him
> drive!) and every store we went into had a cute cashier that he tried
> to chat up. They were really almost rude to him, but not quite. His
> clear eyed innocence and loving heart allowed him to brush off these
> rejections in stride, 'Well, she's kind of hard to get to know, isn't
> she?' One day (I pray) he will find a young lady with the same
> innocence and capacity for infinite love that he has. But right now,
> my heart hurts for him. It is a hard, hard and faithless world for
> someone who is so genuinely pure of heart. He is very religious and
> his faith is unshakable. It truly sustains him. And he is the only boy
> I've ever known who sees my boysmile for what it really is: love. The
> time we get to spend together each year is fleeting, but each time we
> meet we fill each other's hearts with what we each need most. The pure
> love of a man for a boy and the pure love of a boy for a man.
>
> Then there is Jacob. Jake is three. He is blonde, blue eyed and
> perfect in every way. In a few more years he will be a boy god, there
> is no question. I only see Jake about three times a year and he
> forgets who I am until we get together next time. This weekend it only
> took him a few minutes to remember me. 'Now what is your name again?'
> Jake has discovered the joy of a boysmile. I would come across him
> periodically in my travels and exclaim, 'Hey Jake!' with a big
> boysmile. This never failed to elicit the same response. He gets a big
> surprised smile on his face and says, 'Hey!' and then he would draw me
> into whatever was on his mind at the moment. 'What's this?' 'That's a
> kazoo, Jake.' "A kazoo? What's that?' 'You can make music with it' and
> I showed him how. Off he went to make 'music' for everyone he came
> across. 'Wanna hear my music?' Jakob is the perfect age to learn
> things. Everything he encounters is full of magic. Remember when the
> whole world was new? We watched butterflies opening and closing their
> wings. 'Are they eating dirt?' 'No, Jake, they're cooling off.' 'Do
> butterflies get hot too?' 'I think so, are you hot?' Thinks for a
> minute...'Yes.' 'You want me to throw you in the creek?' 'No.' 'You
> want me to roll you in the wet grass?' Giggles...'Yes!'
>
> He is so small. Impossibly small, but so exactly perfect. I remember
> just two years ago holding him as he slept. Next year he will remember
> me. He will never forget me. I'll make sure of that because I will
> always make him feel the love I have for him. I will always share
> those little moments of magic. He has a great Daddy, but he will
> always love his Uncle Doc. I will be that special man in his life that
> he always thinks fondly of. My son has one and Jake does too.
>
> This weekend I experienced three different kinds of pure love. The
> love of a son for his father, the grace-filled love of a walking
> angel, and the exuberant love in the hug of a three year old boy.
>
> I know some boylovers see their love for boys as a curse, but to me it
> is gift for which I am daily thankful. Life is what you make it.
>
> Doc
> NP-f31
>
Thank you Doc for sharing - someone close to me read your note and has
whispered that trust is a two way street.
David
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