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From: NP-f31
Newsgroups: alt.fan.utb.naughty-boy
Subject: Continued from before
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2010 22:14:50 -0400
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>Dear Doc,
>
>Hmm. A very, very baaaaa-d boy, deserving of a stout thrashing, the
>administration there of, for which, I am sure many in the audience
>would volunteer.
>
>You are quite welcome for the posting. A quick knock-off, really.
>
>I will confess that I am not as high-minded nor charitably motivated
>as you, my dear confidant. Circumstances and personal choice have
>left me without a young friend to cuddle, but had I the freedom and
>opportunity, I would have taken it. It is a cold world out there,
>particularly for Boylovers, and we all companionship, sexual closeness
>and comfort, affection and love, each in our own way.
Victor, I must say in all honesty, it is a bleedin' shame that you
have no boy in your life. To think of how a boy would benefit from
knowing you and being in your company... well, it warms my heart. You
know best your own heart and limitations. I applaud you for knowing
what is best and doing what is best.
>There are certain premises that are very difficult to overcome when
>looking at this business of sexual affection for and sexual play with
>boys, concepts that are ingrained from our earliest years hence. I do
>not pretend to speak for other Friends in Affection (insomuch as I
>invariably get into trouble when I generalise!), I speak only for
>myself.
>
>A disclaimer: I base the following on the presupposition that any
>relationship between a man and boy does not involve deception, verbal
>or physical intimidation, force or violence. I think I've made my
>views very clear about that kind of thing.
Hear, hear!
>Whenever a discussion about sex arises, joking and bragging aside, it
>is nearly always couched in the negative. I think we speak of and
>view sex far too negatively and seriously. If anything, sex is good. Sex
>is spontaneous, playful, mutually fun and fulfilling ... at least it
>should be. Too often convention attempts to destroy this fine
>quality--My God, just look at the UK a hundred or so years ago. To
>preface it with dire warnings about being ready, taking the big step,
>dealing with commitment and consequence, attempts to bind pleasure in
>iron. Nothing spontaneous or playful about that. This is precisely
>what tradition intends, to instill certain suppositions and prevent
>certain behaviours.
You're preaching to the choir my friend. What should be and what IS
are two different things.
>
>If a boy knows what he wants, does he necessarily know what he is
>doing? Well, honestly ... does anyone? If adults believe they have
>the prophylactic of experience to protect them from bad decisions,
>then it appears their protection is full of holes, as a daily perusal
>of the papers will confirm. Boys are perfectly capable of making
>decisions, for good or bad and, I believe, are no less skilled at it
>than most adults. I do agree with you, but not with your intent,
>which is to contrast boys from people. I don't believe the contrast
>can be supported.
No, I definitely see boys as people. But as a father who has watched
in great detail and fascination the development of my own sons, I
understand that boys make decisions in ways that are different than
adults. Science has gone on to show that adolescents often make very
poor decisions because of the stage of development of their brains.
Let's take, as an example, T-Bone, who is my own loved boy, and who
has been in my life for 5 years now. At age 11 T-Bone was convinced
that he was gay. He hadthe worst case of 'Dad Jonesin' I've ever seen.
He wanted to make love to me and for me to make love to him. he wanted
me to teach him. However, he had little understanding of what it meant
to 'make love' to a man. He was really more interested in the cuddling
and the kissing and the physcial affection. That is what he needed and
I gave him that in abundance. We had many, long conversations about
the seriousness of lovemaking, the possible consequences, the
permanence of the act. We also talked about the wonderful side of it
and why it was such an all consuming thought for an adolescent boy
(and the man who loved him). Intellectually, T-Bone had very good
answers for every argument I gave him, except one: I wasn't ready yet.
Four months later, his Grandfather grilled him on the nature of his
relationship with me. It wasn't until that moment that he REALLY
understood why I kept telling him that he wasn't ready. By age 13,
T-Bone had the maturity and experience to make the right choice about
whether making love with me was what he wanted.He never broached the
subject. He is ready now at age 16. But he's got his own peer outlets
for his sexual experimentation and pleasure. He has a boyfriend and a
girlfriend. I guess you could say that I missed out, but I don't see
it that way at all. It isn't about ME. It's always been about him.
Don't think for a moment that I haven't been rewarded for the love
I've shown him. The intimacy we've shared has been mind blowing. He
flirts with me, he teases me, he sleeps with me (in the same bed) he
loves me in every way except physically. VV, if I ever asked him to,
he would do ANYTHING. But it's not about me. And I guess that's my
entire point. None of what I've said has been negative, it's all been
positive. I would jump at the chance to make love to T-Bone, maybe one
day it will happen, but if it does, it will be his idea and we'll
still have another big talk about it.
>Upon research and reflection, I believe you will find that most young
>friends who had engaged in sexual play with boys and men, become
>heterosexual. The idea that gay tendencies predispose a boy to
>indulge in sexual play with other boys or men is a phallusee ... er
>... I mean fallacy.
I agree. Experience in these groups has shown me that the boys who
play here already suspect they are gay. All of my loved boys to date
have been heterosexuals, although one likes to step out with guys once
in awhile. Of my boys who've reached adulthood two of them are married
and one is a father, the others are dating.
>The belief that a boy who engages in such play
>with boys or men will become gay is patently incorrect. These are
>ideas that our societies instill in us from the earliest ages ... and
>they yet prove stoutly resistant to change.
Agreed.
>My question to you regarding going to another culture was a silly one,
>I suppose, and you will forgive me.
Without hesitation.
>Even in our own societies, boys
>will respond in a wide range of ways to having experiened sexual play.
>Some may be upset, perhaps overly so, given the present state of
>things, others perhaps embarrassed, others tickled but hesitant, still
>others entertained, or satisfied, or enthusiastic or even
>aggressively encouraged. There are boys who would feel the experience
>was bad, but others who--(Dear Nellie, Cover Your Ears and Look After
>Your Hamsters!)--felt the experience was good.
That was the case with Brian, the only boy I've ever made love to. He
often talked about how the love relationship we shared was more more
fulfilling in many ways than the one he had with his wife. He
regretted the fact that she could never understand him as I did.
>When you step out of
>our own culture and into others, these reactions shift according to
>the relative sexual permissiveness or restrictiveness of that culture.
>I have heard pubescent Italian boys in days of yore were expected to
>indulge in sexual play with other boys, just to keep them off the
>girls. There are certain South American tribes where a man might
>fondle his young son while sleeping, to give him a sense of pleasure
>and security. Then, of course, there are the classical Athenians ...
>and others!
Right!
>Nevertheless, every society has its sexual taboos, and will chose to
>ignore what doesn't support them. Ours are particularly stringent,
>with potentially dire consequences for violating them. So, I think
>most boys do indeed understand the dangers ... for every boy knows
>from experience how their peers might look at him, speak of him and
>treat him, should a liaison with a man become known. Boys can be
>terribly cruel, particularly adolescent boys. I know of two cases in
>particular where boys, who had been or rumoured to have been engaging
>in sexual play with a man, were mercilessly teased by classmates. One
>boy finally beat his tormentor up, and (apparently having proven his
>manhood) that was the end of that. The other boy, desperate to escape
>the endless taunts of his peers, threw himself from a structure and
>thereby, tragically, succeeded.
T-Bone, who comes off as straight, has seen other hetero teens
threaten and abuse gay teens. He even got suspended for protecting one
from a very agressive kid.
>I would add that both lads were involved with a chap who was making
>videos for sale (casting the veracity of his "affections" for his
>friends in great doubt) and had been arrested. A true Boylover would
>not have put his young friend in such a compromising position.
Exactly. One of my boys was the victim of a user. Over there in
London, to be exact. The guy manipulated him, coerced him, drugged him
and blackmailed him, all to get my young friend to do what he wanted.
If you read the London papers last winter, you will know the case. My
YF had to confront his abuser in court. It was not a happy thing. :(
Not to worry, I have been nursing him back to happiness....
>Well. I am very sorry, Doc, for I intended this to be brief and ...
>as all can see ... I have again failed!
Nonsense, you were quite successful. I love our little discussions. I
wonder if we should move them back to The Fort where more folks can
join in?
Much love,
Doc
NP-f31
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