oh hell, it seems that copy and paste is double spaced. second attempt!
Hello, and first of all, thank you again for your work. It's nice to see
your gallery, but for me it's even nicer to read your comments. I spent
a good amount of time reading everything posted here since march and I
firmly encourage you to continue with them. It's allways refreshing to
read sincere words (something unluckily not very practiced here), and
reason let me now continue one of them. I'll try to be brief, though it
possibly won't be possible.
About the nature or nurture issue I've been told, and it's true, that
it's unnecessarily tortuous to question oneself about that. That doesn't
mean that I didn't have in the past, and still do, many irritating and
scratching ideas about this matter. I allways tried to feel comrade of
my nature, but I'm afraid that sometimes I didn't have the strength or
the conviction for this. I never suffered abuses when I was a child so
this never disturbed my soul, nevertheless I've known bls who suffered,
and this produce certain disquietude in myself. I mean that sometimes,
when the things go bad, I can't help thinking and questioning myself: am
I somehow causative of my condition? Did at any moment exist some chance
to change my life? These thoughts, as you can imagine, are quite
harmful.
Some years ago, being a post-teen, I heard something in a movie that
disquieted me. I can transcribe it now cause I got the movie not many
time ago: "An infant will sense his mother's anxieties. It's a key
factor. It will affect his entire future behavior. He will relate to
women as he did to his mother.'' Cause I never got along very well with
my mother or any other of the women at home, all this kind of
psychological argot caused me, and still does, some feeling of guilt and
other similar damages, and for this and other reasons I blamed and
tortured myself during a long time. No more words about it but, can you
notice the nonsense as I do now? Well, i see that you don't keep a nice
memory of your mother neither. What I'm trying to say is that it's not
worth to be so apprehensive. I mean that of course I hated my mother
but, bytheway, I also hated my father. In fact, during my adolescence I
hated almost everybody, in parallel with the bad stage I was suffering.
So I wonder why the hell we have to harm ourselves with this kind of
questions, nature or nurture. I've felt the same about boys during all
my life, and it's more than nurture or even nature, you know it, and so
do other sexualities. It's to identify beauty in a irreplaceable way.
It's rooted to our soul, or to our biology, if you prefer. It's love if
love exist. That's my point. Nobody can say us that we don't know what
we feel. Nobody can say us that we are bad people. One of these day I'd
have to be someway rebel.
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