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From: flopiness_dissimilated@hhhh.com
Newsgroups: alt.fan.utb.naughty-boy
Subject: Re: A Stunning Concession!
Date: Fri, 23 May 2008 23:26:13 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Mixmin
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I envy both of you very much. Firstly, VV, you very lucky to have had genital play with your friends as a boy. I had none, though I had passionate crushes of a sexually charged nature on both selected boys and girls from about 6 yo old. I wanted it very much, but I think my upbringing must have been more repressive than yours. The only incident I had was touching my female cousin's vulva when I was about five, which was very nice. We laughed about it when we were both young adults. I had some cuddles with a close friend who I loved when I was about 10, but I couldn't work out how to move the action on. I was terrified to approoach some others, male or female. I thought I was sinning terribly, and I was very scared of rejection. No-one ever played "doctor" that I knew of, except a coouple of boys at school who used to dissappear into the WC and apparantly looked at each others dicks. I was too scared to join them, though I know I could have, now. So it was terror, guilt, shame, and fear of rejection or of being labelled a "homo".
I often think I wouldn't be what I was if I have been able to explore my explosive sexuality with other kids and perhaps certain adults (I had crushes on certain teachers etc too).
Secondly, I envy White Magic tremendously too. It would be lovely to photograph nude boys, and just to hang with them. That is a very dangerous activity where I live and have lived.
If I'm sounding a bit sad, it is because I am. The trolls will love that. But I won't be reading there pitiless rants anyway.
I also believe I was "molested" in the classic sense of against my will when I was about 10, but the memory is hazy and I cannot be sure. I think it was only touching, but it was unwanted, unlike the desires I talk about above.
Sigh. Life goes on.
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