Chid Development & Intergenerational Relationships
Some people think sex is a straightforward issue, an adult man and an
happens within an individual is the result of a complex interplay of
sex, gender and sexuality. For most people, sex and gender are the
same, i.e. male/masculine, female/feminine. Obviously, for a few people
this relationship is not just reversed, but tangled. Add to that
we know all about it, even now?).
Sex, gender and sexuality of male children and adolescents is even
more complex, because (as the horniest creatures on the planet,
exception perhaps mating lions) they also have a highly variable natural
interest, or drive, pushing their sexuality. Fundamentally, boys are
explorers, investigating and learning by trying one thing, then another.
practice. With sex, this is an informal, self guided study in our
culture. Here are some simple facts and children and sex:
1. children are sexual creatures from birth
2. sexuality of infants (0-3) is reflexive and entirely
self-centered, masturbation by frottage
3. sexuality of pre-school children (4-6) is still self-centered, but
with curiosity about others, masturbation remains mainly by
frottage (humping a pillow or blanket)
4. sexuality of early primary-age children (6-8) diminishes, but
curiosity does not: masturbation less frequent
5. puberty begins for middle primary-age children (9-12); sexuality
becomes active in seeking simple experiments with age-mates;
masturbation actively resumes
6. sexuality of early teens (13-15) seeks broader experience, more
variation and more frequent repetition, experimentation with
lubricants, condoms, and more partners
7. The relationship between a child and his parents changes, in pace
with the above points,
from the total dependance of infants to various manifestations of
independence and separation as the child matures. Those begin to
interest/receptivity to an external, non-parental relationship. Whether
a child trusts his parents or not has much to do with his interest in
forming an independent pseudo-parental alliance.
Having said that, the age brackets are flexible. Some stages are
skipped, others are extended. Satisfactory sexual experience is
reinforcing, unsatisfactory experience is not. All sexual experience
has positive value, even unsatisfactory experience. Individual
differences show up boldly, with some children far more sexual than
others. It is not only possible, but common for children by age 12 to
(child or adult) capability to understand and accept their sexual
sexuality compared to the average for his age group.
Parallel, and perhaps related, is the variability in how a child reacts
to experience. Some individuals affect trauma from the same experience
others regard as a mere misfortune, or perhaps a learning opportunity.
In other words, some children have the ability to shrug off an
internalize that same experience and allow it to haunt or rule them
permanently.
It is this SQ that conservatives and religious moralists try
unsuccessfully to suppress. We are not all the same. It cannot be
governed by laws. People learn to express their sexual interests in
private, not in public, valuing consenting relationships. Morality is a
associate him/herself with; it is based upon tribal belief and
superstition. Intelligent people, regardless of cultural affiliation,
guide themselves ethically, as ethics are based upon kindness and fair
play, not narrow superstitious faiths.
As for intergenerational sexual liaisons, the above definitions and
concepts should serve as a guide to any responsible person. The
pathology of relationships between boys and adults, and girls and
adults, is different and cannot be directly compared. This discussion
is about boys.
It is possible, although rare, for a child as young as seven to form
an intergenerational sexual interest. It is much more likely from age
eleven on, when those with high SQ seek a more rewarding, more
sophisticated encounter than can be provided by an age mate. It is
common for boys (but rarely girls) to be the aggressor when seeking an
adult sex companion. Some children that age may be more likely to look
for a younger friend for a sexual liaison, a different motivation
children whose sole resource is a trusted friend.
interest, different from adult love in that it is based upon infinite
trust. Adults, in contrast, have learned that trust, in love, can be
which is missing in his life, the trust and companionship he should have
and comparatively short lived, lasting a few months to a few years,
compared to an adult mateship, usually changing to a long term
friendship.
Most boys who make liaisons with adults have a discordant or
dysfunctional relationship with the parent (or parents) and seek a
establishing trust where none previously existed. Boys who are
susceptible to the care and love of an unrelated adult typically
distrust or fear their parents, so a caring adult becomes very
development of trust and friendship, is regarded as a criminal act,
while a similar process, indoctrination of people too young to make
rational decisions, is looked upon favorably when religions apply them.
HARM. This is not as simple an issue as it is commonly portrayed.
Can a boy be harmed by a sexual relationship with an adult? Yes. With
another boy? Yes. Can some boys be harmed in this manner? Yes. But,
and this is the most important part, can ANY boy be harmed? No. Can
EVERY boy be harmed? Definitely not. Harm is simply a factor of the
If aggravated rape is being discussed, the probability of harm broadens
considerably. If abuse of authority is the issue (i.e. a Roman Catholic
priest offering special dispensation in exchange for sexual favors, or a
teacher offering a better grade, etc.), then again the prospect of harm
is amplified.
If the relationship is the outcome of a trusting, mutually gratifying
friendship, then the possibility of harm diminishes radically. Do some
boys willingly (enthusiastically) engage in an asymmetrical
relationship? Yes. Do they ever change their minds about the
Many young people make choices they later regret and cannot undo, vulgar
tattoos and body piercing come to mind as an example. Small children go
through a phase of petty theft, and later feel embarrassed by the
the temptation that was the cause?
An aspect of harm to children and adolescents which no one ever
considers is the harm done by imposing unrealistic values and hollow
achievements upon young impressionable people, particularly those who
to sell as many suggestive pictures as possible, posing the kids in
lordotic postures that look more like a young cat in her first heat.
and talent, and when the youthful blush goes away and the facial hair
comes in, what do they have? Generally, nothing. They are lured into
the studio with the hope, perhaps the expectation, of a highly paid
career as a professional model, and although they may be registered as
such, their chances of modelling even ill-fitting badly designed
clothing for K-Mart is remote.
In this same category, and for much the same reasons, children and
adolescents who are employed in film or television production face the
same problem. Very few make a career transition when they become
adults, and many go completely off the rails when their phantom
expectations are not met. In this category, at least, they usually earn
a substantial salary, but that in itself is a double edged sword; most
of them can never expect to achieve the same earnings level as adults,
and the transition can be devastating. Typically studio kids, both in
the modelling and entertainment industries, are deprived of normal
adolescent experience and contact, failing to develop many basic
physical and social skills necessary to interact with others. Drug
No discussion of Harm is complete without pointing out that
procedures of police and social workers involving children detected as
having participated in a sexual relationship with an adult are more
harmful than the relationship itself, excluding those rare cases of
aggravated rape. Even then the police are often the source of more
trauma than the original perpetrator.
The whole issue is a matter for science, reason and logic, not
|
| Follow-ups: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
|