Solomon's Private File #3
These stories about Stephen and Solomon take place starting in
1950's. Stephen wrote about his life in letters to a penpal, and then
in a secure blog, in case he lost his memory again, in the master
computer in his school for gifted students, which he started attending
in 2016 in a new incarnation, until his death. Now his son Solomon is
attending the same school, and is writing in his own secure blog for
his future incarnations.
All characters are fictitious, even if some of them might have names
that belong to some actual people, or act like people we know.
Solomon is 10 in this story, in the Fall of 2036.
Solomon's Private File #3 "Security and Responsibility"
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I'm becoming more popular at school. So is Kam. I said to Ed one
morning in bed, "I'm popular more than the others. Why?" He said, "I
know. Tough question, though." I poked him and said, "If it were easy,
I could answer it myself." He giggled, and said, "Sure. There is
something about you. Your love is different, and you have more of it.
It's not just that. You like people more, and you really like to help,
and you broadcast those feelings more than everybody else does. We are
all likable people, but you just have more of what we like about each
other, and we all love how smart you are. Ready for a bad thing?" I
said, "Yes." He said, "Most of us who come here didn't have a good time
with life before this. We were different. Really different, and other
kids and adults noticed, and we noticed that. Sometimes they were mean
to us because of it. It made us very lonely, and sometimes a little
angry. That's why we are very sensitive to your qualities. You didn't
have that bad life, and so you can be happy all the time without our
kinds of bad memories to make us sad sometimes. We can't be sad around
you. It's just not possible. We love all who you are, but we love the
total acceptance we get from you the most." That made me cry, I felt so
bad for him and the others. He said, "That's part of it. Nobody ever
cried for us. You do. You're popular because you love us more than we
can understand. We have to love that." I said, "Thank you for telling
me. I'll try to accept what you said, and not try to stop it. Please
remember that it's embarrassing, and too much can be a little
frustrating and painful." He said, "I understand. Thanks." Then he
licked my nuts and I couldn't think about anything then, but that.
After he squirted, I said, "Are you gay?" He said "I don't think so.
I have sexual interest in girls and not for boys, but I see why you're
asking. Licking a boy's nuts doesn't excite me like it would if I were
gay, but it doesn't feel bad to do it, either. I do it with you because
I love to share your feeling of it, because mine don't feel nearly as
good when you do it to me. And one other thing. I just like making you
feel good." I said, "All I can say is thank you. I don't know which way
I will be, and Dad said I might be like him and not know until later
than most boys. I don't really care. I like who I am now, and don't
want to change sooner than I have to, just like it was with him. But I
would like to start squirting." He said, "Right. It's really great. I'm
VERY happy you can help me with that." I said, "That's what brothers
are for. Well, one of the nice things." He giggled, and said, "Right."
Then we cleaned up and went to help make breakfast.
What Ed told me about what it was before they came to the school for
the other kids, made me think about our security requirements a little
more. It made the reasons for it more real to me. Being so different
can be tough for people in society, and when the difference makes you
more of what people wish they were, that can cause some very bad
feelings in people. Jealousy, envy, resentment, and hate. It's happened
before in history, and probably always will. It's not just human
nature, but it's common to other intelligent beings, too. That's why
psionic people have to be secret about it, because at the least, people
think it gives them a serious advantage. It isn't much with most who
have just some small psionic abilities, but it is really true for
psionic Adepts which most in the school will become. Regular people
don't know and so can't accept that we would never use that advantage
for unfair things. Our Senior Adepts can't do that because they are
clear, and can't lie or hurt people or be unjust.
I was in class when I was thinking that, and I started crying.
Scholar Alesha said to me, "Sol, why are you crying?" Then Kam started
to cry, because we share a lot of our lives because we are so close.
She said, "He's crying for all the people who can't have what we have
here." Then the other students had some tears, too. Then they came and
hugged me and Kam. I said, "We just have to help them all we can."
Alesha said, "And we are doing that in Tibet where we can, and with the
love and healing broadcasts, and the Enterprise is doing a lot of good
in secret. We can't and shouldn't do everything for people, so they can
learn to do for themselves and become better. We help with that, too,
where we can. It's what we are for." I said, "Yes! Oh, sorry for
shouting." She laughed, and said, "It's alright. We all feel that way."
Everything went back to normal. Normal for us. Almost. Most of the
students glanced at me when they thought I wouldn't notice. I did. At
first I was embarrassed. Then irritated. Then a little annoyed. Just
before I became angry, I realized that I was something like they were
to regular people. We have a responsibility to be good for people who
aren't as smart or powerful as we are. It's a serious responsibility.
That should apply to me for the other students here, because I am much
more than they are. Ed said I was, but he doesn't know how much more I
really am. That means I have to accept their feelings about me, and
that I'm more, and not give them negative feelings about it. My
responsibility. To them. To always love them. I think they felt my love
then.
I wonder if you can actually feel yourself becoming more mature. I
think I felt it just then. I changed. I'm not sure I like it, but I
might as well, because I sure can't do anything about it!
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Grant
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