Path: news.nzbot.com!not-for-mail
Newsgroups: alt.fan.oldfart
Subject: Re: R.I.P.
Date: 18 Sep 2004 05:01:04 GMT
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all of us here to read, and said.......
>
>
>>I am sad.
>
>You got watertight news? Sigh, I know you have.
>Minute of silence for one of Usenet's true heroes.
>Don't hesitate to post this in my group. He deserves that much, and
>we'll shred whoever applauds his demise.
>
Hmmmmmm, sounds a bit more water-logged than water-tight. Unless the
unpleasant little dunce is just tight. And only a minute of silence? Not a
month? How disappointing!
But in my humble opinion, I do believe this news of my demise comes as quite a
shock to ME. Why am I always the last one to be informed? Perhaps rumors of my
death have been greatly exaggerated. After all, you would think that sort of
thing could hardly go unnoticed in my busy life. Someone would have been ever
so kind as to bring it to my attention by now.
So I will be sorely missed, at least by me. And the woman who likes to take
care of my needs and hers as well in the process would surely have noticed.
She likes me present for the festivities in the boudoir. So far she seems
to have kept it a secret from me. At the very least it might be nice if I were
unable to hear her and her senseless drivel, except during those special
moments when her enthusiasm overwhelms her.
Given this rather shocking news, I made an appointment with the undertaker,
but he seemed to feel that there might be some problem, and suggested I
contact the coroner since he was not at all convinced that he could be of
service. The coroner in turn debated the issue, and felt it best to give me a
referral to my private physician. And it was he who detected a very weak
pulse. I then redirected his efforts to MY wrist whereupon he confirmed that
there may have been an error in the initial diagnosis, and attempted to charge
me a double fee, to which I retorted that you cannot expect a dead man to pay
for his services.
Now this thought led me to a most magnificent idea. If I am dead, I can not be
held responsible for any debts, or any of my actions for that matter. I can
however establish a fund in my honor, which I am doing now.
So I am expecting everyone to contribute heartily, and often, and again after
that. Those failing to contribute will be expected to pay for tickets to the
funerals, first of which will be held every seventh day commencing
the day after tomorrow.
Well, it sure is good to be dead. This my first death, so bear with me if I
make a few faux pas. I am sure in time I will get the gist of it in time!!!
--
ILWT
wildman
Professor Emeritus
Retired
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