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From: "Thomas Keske" <TKeske@Comcast.net>
Newsgroups: alt.surrealism
Subject: Stories from Insane Children of Cleveland
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http://www.barrelofmonkeys.org/stories_twg_2003-2004.htm
Escalator Argument
by Martin (Marty) C. 5th Cleveland
I think there should be escalators in schools.
1. First thing when you walk up the stair you hurt your back.
2. Second, you might slip off the stairs when they are wet.
3. Next, you can step on some ones shoelace and they could trip.
4. Last some one might push you when you are walking down the
stairs and you can break a body part.
Con:
1. If you mop the escalator you can get electrified.
2. You might get stuck in a stair and loose your clothes.
3. You can fall and get hurt on the metal.
Fat Man and Bucket of Chicken
By Ryan K. Agassiz
I! !AM! !PUPPET! !MASTER!
A fat man: mmm I'm hungry. (sits in a wobbly chair)
Fat man: aww-My chair might break. (picks up remote) Mmm whats
on today. (changes the channel to cartoon network)
Fat man: now all I need to some food. (goes to the refrigerator)
Bucket of chicken and food: Oh no! Here he comes! Run for your
life (of course they can not move)
Fat man: mm-I need a bucket of chicken!
Bucket of Chicken: Uh-Oh!
Fat man: Yum! (man gobbles down the food)
Digested chicken: this sucks! Oh well-I lived a happy life (the
chicken thinks of his life) first I was part of a chicken then I
was?.(7 minutes later) and now I'm here.
Fat man: Urrrgh I'm tired-.I'll take a nap.
END (Special Thanks To??Ryan)
Fly
By Daniel H. Cleveland
A fly went up my nose. I sneezed. He didn?t come out.
The End.
George Bush, Bill Clinton and a Monkey
By Jesse M., Anthony P., Daniel A., Daniel H., Coral O., Nicole
P., Brian M. Cleveland School 5th grade
(monkey is destroying the White House)
Bill Clinton: There is a wild monkey on the loose!
Monkey: Alright! Put your hands up!
George Bush: (throws a fire ball at the monkey) Hiya! Too hot for ya?
Monkey: My tail is on fire!
Bill Clinton: Well, good for you, sonny! That's what you deserve.
I Remember When I Went to the Doctor
By Michael Blank Tyler School
I remember when I went to the doctor. I had a sour throat. The
nurse put a metal thing and some other metal things. Then the
nurse said the doctor is going to be here soon, but not soon,
for a half an hour. Then the doctor tried to put a stick in my
mouth and touch my throat but the doctor couldn?t get my throat.
So he send in six nurses but the six nurses and the doctor were
no match for me so I went home I got in trouble and never tried
to keep a doctor from putting a stick in my mouth and the stick
touch my throat again. The end.
Mozart and Fireman in a burning opera house
By Justin D., Stefan I., Adina G., Nayeli B., Dominique R.
5th Cleveland School
Mozart: Help! My Music in on fire!
Fireman: I'll help you! Just let go of the piano.
Mozart: I'll never let go of my piano and you can't make me.
Fireman: Well I guess your piano has to go with you.
Mozart: OK! Fine! As long as my piano and I are safe
Los Gemelos (The Twins)
By Mr. Kolar's Whole Class Rm 305 Gladstone School
Once there lived two twin millionaires. They wanted to find
their fortune in the country. They lived in the country in Italy.
They were looking for American wives. They traveled to the U.S.
and found two women named Estela and Sonia. The women were
bathing in the river of the city of Milwaukee. They were both
left with their twin mouths agape because the women were twins,
just like they were. The women were poor and they got married in
France just to embezzle the twins.
When it was discovered that the women were thieves, the twins
wanted to get a divorce, but the women did not permit it. I
order to impede this; the women took a picture of the men and
when they placed in on their forehead the two millionaires
dropped dead. The men died. The FBI came to France to
investigate the men's deaths. But after they arrived, they
realized the women had killed their husbands to keep their
fortuned. And then the FBI became accomplices with the two women
so they could keep the fortune
Dracula and Mummy Together
by Jermaine R., Stephanie A., Joe V., Frances C., Deaqua C., Luz
L., Johanna S. Lafayette School
Once there was a Dracula named Mikey who lived in a webbed house,
and ate whoever came into his house. He also ate his friends'
heads whenever one of them died. His house was filled with bats,
his attic was filled with heads. When there was no one left to
play with, he ran around the black 10 times looking for people
to play with. Dracula went to Egypt to visit Mummy because there
was no one to play with. Mummy didn't like people, so he tried
to kill Mikey, but he couldn't. So the Mummy and Dracula became
friends
Real or False?
By Kori N. Tyler School
One day, a strange person was walking down a road called, "Red
Horn". He didn't look real. He looked like a dummy. "My name is
Alisha, I live under a spell." My fiend Jackie Chan saw him too.
"I wonder what he"s up to." He said. "I think he is also under
a spell." My spell was to never talk to strangers. I can break
the spell by not talking to strangers for two years. "I'm
thinking his spell was only to come out at night." She thought.
Suddenly we saw him turn around! "RUN!" She screamed. I froze,
saw the creature and ran. I stopped again. I couldnd't move. We
fell in a building hole. Katy, my very best friend was there too.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. I wasn't listening I saw
the creature coming towards us. "Why did we fall in a hole if I
couldn't move?" Something was strange, very strange. The next
day the "Red Horn" was right above me staring, staring. Jackie
was outside swinging, Katy, was playing ball. "Whoa!" It was
just all a dream. When I got dressed, the man was walking on the
road again! "Oh NO!" "Not again!" To be continued?
Que Sean Mejores Los Almuerzos en la Escuala Milton R. L. 5th
Cleveland
1. Que todas las comidas sean mas linpias y aceadas y que no
tengan pelos.
2. Que los vasos con agua sean mas limpios y que no tengan
pedasos de comida.
3. Que los pastels no tengan huevos de mosca adentyo del pastel.
Talking Hat Trying to Learn French
By Martin H. Cleveland
A talking hat is trying to learn French because his class talks French only.
French Teacher (FT): What is 2 X 1,000 (in French) You the
Talking Hat.
Talking Hat (TH): Me no speakie French.
FT: Go to the captain.
TH: Me no speakie French.
FT: That?s it, you go into water now.
TH: Me no speakie Freeeeeeeeeeeench.
FT: Does any body ELSE not know how to speak French?
Trapped in the Hospital
By Arturo S. 5th Cleveland
Once upon a time in hospital there were only two patients a
lonely scientist and a talking Potato Chip they were injured in
a car crash they were mad at each other they were in the same
room and tried to fight. One night the hospital people forgot
about them and they were locked in. They yelled and yelled but
no one heard them. The lonely scientist was hungry and told the
potato chip I'm going to eat you. The potato chip said help! He
is going to eat me. The Potato Chip ran and ran the lonely
scientist ate him and said yum yum. The end. Monkeys Rule
2 Men Who Want to Win
By Alfredo T. 5th Cleveland School
Ones upon time their was two mans they want to win 1,000 dollars
the saw it on the newspaper they say we got to win. We will be
rich so they went to the contest who ever climb to the mountain
it could just be two people on the team the other group was
cheating they were throwing snowballs at us. So then the team
was winning then the guys who want to win 1,000 they catch up to
the cheating group they were still throwing snowballs but he was
missing a lot but they fell down. Then the group who fell down
they were sad the guys who want to win they were happy then for
a few laters they won they buy a TV and a house so big and cars
they were so rich they almost buy everything from the city then
they got these job that gives money a lot they were so happy.
The End. To be continued. Now they want to win again. So they
look on a newspaper they could find nothing they bought another
newspaper but there was nothing they were looking on the TV but
there was nothing. So they went for a walked then they heard a
man that he found a contest to win 2,000 he tell his team they
went to the contest and the guys who wanted to win more they
went to the contest it was a game they have to shoot a duck that
was not really there was three teams the first team is number
one and the other team was team two and the other team was team
three the team one go first one of the man lost then the other
one man shoot in the 20's then it was team 2 the man shoot but
he missed them the other man missed too then it was team 3 the
man shoot he hit on the middle then the other man shoot on the
middle too they won the game who wanted to win the contest. The
End.
World War Seven: Final Mission Part 2
Russia started launching, nuclear warheads toward surrounding
nations. The first to fall was China. After defeating all the
nations the planet Earth was now named Russia because Russia
controlled the whole world including the United States.
The End or Is It?
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