On 11 Jul 2007 12:06:03 -0500, unkn <76636@m.xcom> wrote:
>oh hell, it seems that copy and paste is double spaced. second attempt!
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>Hello, and first of all, thank you again for your work. It's nice to see
>your gallery, but for me it's even nicer to read your comments. I spent
>a good amount of time reading everything posted here since march and I
>firmly encourage you to continue with them. It's allways refreshing to
>read sincere words (something unluckily not very practiced here), and
>reason let me now continue one of them. I'll try to be brief, though it
>possibly won't be possible.
>
>About the nature or nurture issue I've been told, and it's true, that
>it's unnecessarily tortuous to question oneself about that. That doesn't
>mean that I didn't have in the past, and still do, many irritating and
>scratching ideas about this matter. I allways tried to feel comrade of
>my nature, but I'm afraid that sometimes I didn't have the strength or
>the conviction for this. I never suffered abuses when I was a child so
>this never disturbed my soul, nevertheless I've known bls who suffered,
>and this produce certain disquietude in myself. I mean that sometimes,
>when the things go bad, I can't help thinking and questioning myself: am
>I somehow causative of my condition? Did at any moment exist some chance
>to change my life? These thoughts, as you can imagine, are quite
>harmful.
>
>Some years ago, being a post-teen, I heard something in a movie that
>disquieted me. I can transcribe it now cause I got the movie not many
>time ago: "An infant will sense his mother's anxieties. It's a key
>factor. It will affect his entire future behavior. He will relate to
>women as he did to his mother.'' Cause I never got along very well with
>my mother or any other of the women at home, all this kind of
>psychological argot caused me, and still does, some feeling of guilt and
>other similar damages, and for this and other reasons I blamed and
>tortured myself during a long time. No more words about it but, can you
>notice the nonsense as I do now? Well, i see that you don't keep a nice
>memory of your mother neither. What I'm trying to say is that it's not
>worth to be so apprehensive. I mean that of course I hated my mother
>but, bytheway, I also hated my father. In fact, during my adolescence I
>hated almost everybody, in parallel with the bad stage I was suffering.
>So I wonder why the hell we have to harm ourselves with this kind of
>questions, nature or nurture. I've felt the same about boys during all
>my life, and it's more than nurture or even nature, you know it, and so
>do other sexualities. It's to identify beauty in a irreplaceable way.
>It's rooted to our soul, or to our biology, if you prefer. It's love if
>love exist. That's my point. Nobody can say us that we don't know what
>we feel. Nobody can say us that we are bad people. One of these day I'd
>have to be someway rebel.
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>
I always encourage further discussions like this, for I believe that
such questions do plague other boylovers as they have me. Ironically,
that is our moral and social training hard at work molesting our
psyche, if you will. That we should be conflicted, depressed, and at
times even despondant is precisely what our society intended. All
socio-cultural systems instill both external and internal ways to
punish members not conforming to the "norm" as defined by that
society. That is precisely the role of informal and formal education
... to enculturate the child. You are quite correct, I believe.
Endulging in such thoughts is torturous, yet it is nigh impossible to
NOT be tortured by such deeply ingrained values. Such is the power of
culture.
Frankly, the very reason we ask ourselves, as do so-called
professional psychologists, social workers and law enforcement
personnel, the question of whether boylove [or homosexuality, or
various other 'anti-social diseases'] is the product of a genetic
predisposition [nature] or a product of environment[nurture] is
because boylove is perceived as a bad thing ... a disease ... a threat
to society [usually worded as a threat to the welfare of children].
No one asks whether heterosexual behaviour--the propensity of many
men to enjoy sex with women--is a result of nature or nuture. Most
would claim incredulously, "Well ... nature, of course!" But when one
examines the things that shape fundamental human behavior, one begins
to suspect it is nurture, after all! So merely asking such a question
implies that boylove is bad.
I am skeptical of simple explanations. Identifying a particular gene
that seems to occur regularly in people with a particular disease does
not mean the gene causes the disease. It only means that there is a
good chance the two are related, somehow. The fact you hated your
mother may have contributed to your personality, but I doubt seriously
it is the cause of your sexual preference. After all, tho' Mum could
be trying, even as a child I loved her dearly and would be in tears
with my head buried in a pillow if she failed to come home to me on
time.
Lastly, I fully understand your feelings like you'd like to burst out
screaming ... cursing ... defying the world ... rejecting fear ...
defending your love ... in outrage vowing revenge for the agonies
heaped on you in this life. I have felt all these things.
But we must be practical, after all, for that is precisely what they
want ... an excuse. A very wise chap in the newsgroups whose name, I
blush, I cannot recall, once said, "You're not paranoid. They ARE out
to get you. And don't forget it."
I took that advice to heart and had long ago determined I should never
give those bastards the satisfaction.
And are we indeed rebelling? No. We are like everyone else in the
world. We are merely looking for some beauty, goodness and happiness.
Your English writing seems unpolished and difficult, but your ideas
and insight are sublime.
My best regards,
VV
God Save Her Majesty the Queen.
God Preserve the Prince of Wales.
Rule Britannia!
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